blinked my eyes open. I’d heard the same sounds from Julian’s room before, but this one had pierced through my dreams. It was no doubt another one of his troubling nightmares, and it reminded me of that earlier moment on the porch with my dad, where he sort of blanked out, almost like falling into a trance, and I’d wondered where he went. I’d seen something similar a time or two since he’d arrived, but I didn’t want to pry.
Except, I’d heard some soldiers suffered from PTSD, and I’d run across the term again a few months back when speaking to Ainsley’s therapist about her anxiety. She’d explained the mental health disorder usually manifested after a traumatic event in someone’s life. And Ainsley had been poked and prodded for this or that procedure, as well as being told she had a life-threatening illness, which no doubt led to some big-time fears. We watched her closely for weeks, and as it turned out, her worries were related more to losing us and feeling alone than reliving the trauma of having cancer.
Julian, on the other hand…
And just as I had that thought, I heard a shout from his room. Startled, I bolted upright in bed and considered going to him, definitely not wanting to overstep but wondering if waking him might help lessen his burden. It was painful to hear his discomfort, so my actions would only be out of consideration for him.
I slid aside the covers and was about to pad into his room and wake him up, when I heard a thud and what sounded like Julian toppling out of bed. My heart pounded in my ears as I heard the bathroom door push open on his side, then the sound of the toilet flushing and the sink gushing water. I assumed he would retreat to his bed, but instead I heard him stumble down the hallway toward the front door. Maybe he only needed some fresh air.
I felt like a creeper as I tiptoed to the window, but I told myself I was only looking out for him. Squinting beyond the porch light, I saw his silhouette as he paced near the paddock, as if thinking something through, and then he started walking away from the house.
I had a feeling this wasn’t his first time getting his energy out like this after a bad dream, and out here, it might’ve been easier to get the space he needed, compared to the big city. Still, he didn’t know the property like we did, but I supposed where he decided to walk was none of my business. Besides, I had no clue if he’d done this before while I was asleep some other night since he’d arrived. Eventually he’d run into a fence or a pond or some cattle.
Except he was a guest and a family member. And he’d just woken out of a deep sleep. Did he have the wherewithal to find his way back? Even if he had done this before?
Decision made, I pulled on some sweats and went out to the porch swing to wait for him. If it seemed too long for him to be gone, I’d go search in the direction he’d headed.
I leaned back as the motion of the swing and the cool temps lulled me into a twilight slumber. Five more minutes and I would go find him.
When I heard the rustling of leaves, I straightened myself to a sitting position. My eyes met his as he began ascending the steps, and he looked…haunted. That was the only word I could come up with to describe it. But no way I’d mention that to him.
I heard his voice catch as he paused on the top step. “Wh-what are you doing up?”
He pushed his fingers through his hair, which was already wild-looking from tossing and turning in his sheets, and I was sure mine wasn’t much better. He had on a pair of thin shorts that did nothing to disguise his muscular thighs, but it was wrong of me to have such a thought right then. Or ever.
“I could ask you the same question.” I shrugged, trying to make it seem like it was no big deal that I might’ve sent out a search party at any minute.
He winced, then looked behind him, not making eye contact. “I just…”
“How often do they happen?” I asked, not wanting to beat around the bush. He didn’t owe me anything, but I wanted him to know I was