strangest turn of events, he believed her. Just the smallest shift in attitude changed his mum from a conniving cheat into an ordinary woman whose husband had died far too young.
Now he didn’t know how to feel.
‘Did she know that Johnny fancied her?’ Nell asked. ‘Yes. Was she flattered? Yes. Does that make her a bad person?’
‘It makes her pathetic.’
‘How pathetic? She was thirty-four, which sounds ancient to you, but it was no age to her. She was entitled to a life. You’re all about rights for women, but you don’t cut your own mum any slack.’
FORTY-SEVEN
‘Johnny … Johnny …’
Jessie’s voice pulled him up from the depths.
‘Babes, it’s too bright …’
Reality came at him in flashes. I’m in Mayo. For my parents’ wedding anniversary. I’ve never felt so depressed.
‘Babes.’ Jessie plucked at him. ‘You need to do the blind.’
He opened his eyes and immediately squinched them closed again. What was happening?
They’d got so drunk last night. They’d tumbled into bed without pulling down the blinds and now savage sunlight was glaring in at them.
‘Please,’ she whimpered. ‘Do the blind.’
With one eye open, he stumbled to the window and merciful dimness calmed the room.
‘Thanks,’ she whispered. ‘What time is it?’
‘Four seventeen.’
‘In the morning?’
‘Yeah. Have we paracetamol?’
‘Some in my bag. Can I have some too?’
He scrambled through her handbag until he located the tablets and filled a glass from the bathroom tap.
‘Bathroom water, mmm.’ Her eyes stayed closed as he held the glass to her lips.
I’m a hollow man. A fake. Full to the brim of nothing.
‘Christ.’ She groaned. ‘We’ve to climb Croagh Patrick in the morning. Today. It’s arranged. I’ve the stuff in for the sandwiches.’
‘No.’
‘We’ll go to sleep for coupla hours. Wake up again, be grand.’
I want to go back to sleep and never wake up.
She gave him a little shake. ‘’Kay?’
‘No.’
That shocked her into opening her eyes. If she mocked him now, there was a real fear that he would actually cry.
She looked into his face. ‘What is it, sweetie?’
You only married me because your other husband, a much better man, died. My job consists of being a borderline conman. I’m forty-eight, I still want my dad’s approval and he’ll never give it.
I try to be a father to Ferdia, but I’m just like my dad. Ferdia hates me and the girls think I’m a joke.
‘I’m a hollow man.’
Her eyes flared with alarm. ‘That’s only the hangover talking. And seeing your ma and pa. You know that.’
She was wrong. ‘I’m pointless.’
‘No, babes, no … that’s … Look. It’s just a hangover. But there’s no need to come on the climb. Stay in bed. Sleep.’
I’m a very weak man, with too many failings.
‘Jessie, do you love me?’
‘Of course I love you, you giant eejit!’
He turned on his side, letting tears leak into his pillow and she spooned herself against his back, holding him so tightly that he eventually felt safe enough to tumble down into sleep.
Whispers and hushed voices and tiptoed footsteps, tapping lightly up and down the hall.
‘Daddy. Daddy.’ It was Dilly, breathing her sweet breath over him. ‘I brought you some flat Coke.’
‘Are you really sick?’ TJ was behind her. ‘Or just hungover?’
‘I’m sick,’ he croaked.
‘Told you,’ Dilly hissed at TJ.
‘What time is it?’
‘Nine o’clock. So, Dad, we’re staying here with you today. We’ve decided that instead of Making Memories, we’ll mind you. Bridey and Saoirse are going to Make Memories, if that’s okay, so Mum has company. Now sit up and drink your flat Coke.’
‘We brought you a straw, even though it’s a single-use plastic,’ TJ said. ‘All they had in the house. It can be your guilty pleasure.’
‘Go on the climb,’ he said. ‘I’ll be grand.’
‘We want to stay with you. We’ll check on you every half-hour. But if you need us, then summon us. We couldn’t find a bell –’
‘And even if we could have, we thought you had a hangover so a bell would be bad –’
‘But you can hit this glass with this fork.’ Dilly demonstrated and the glass vibrated and hummed. ‘And we’ll come.’
‘We could read to you,’ TJ offered.
‘… Dad … what’s wrong with your eyes?’
‘Hayfever,’ he managed.
‘Quick,’ Dilly instructed TJ. ‘Get a tablet from Mum.’
TJ hurried off and Dilly placed her cool, small hand on his forehead. She sucked in her breath and said, ‘You’re burning up.’
‘Am I?’
‘Noooo. But that’s what people say when you’re sick.’
FORTY-EIGHT
In the house next door, Ed awoke alone in bed.
‘Cara,’ he called weakly. ‘Cara.’
The house hummed with emptiness.
Slowly turning on his side, his phone said