‘Hold up there, Nellie! Is there something you’re not telling us?’
‘Dad, don’t be a plank. Garr’s my best friend.’
‘And Angie McDermott is my best friend.’
In the background, Nell heard her mum say, ‘Niall Campion is your best friend.’
Jessie woke up from a Xanax-induced sleep. She was crying. Johnny was there, up and dressed, with a mug of green tea for her. She didn’t know where he’d slept last night, but most probably on the couch.
‘Angel.’ He touched her wet face.
‘I’ve no friends,’ she gasped, with tears.
‘I’m your friend.’
‘You’re not. This person who was my best friend once-upon-a-time and now she hates me and you’ve been meeting her, and even if you weren’t sleeping with her – and how do I know that? – you still shouldn’t have been messaging her all friendly and gas, with your old in-jokes and lols.’
‘Only because I hoped she might be our friend again. Our friend.’
‘But I didn’t need it. You went behind my back. I’m so sad.’ Jessie’s tears began again, seeping and spilling down her face. ‘I thought you and me were on the same side.’
‘We are. I was doing it for both of us!’
‘Tell me.’ She sat on the bed and looked into his face. ‘Have you had sex with her? Even a quick one-off for old times’ sake?’
‘No.’
‘You were always slippery. You could never keep it in your pants.’
‘A long time ago. I’m different now.’
‘Those messages you showed me, they could be fake. You could have another phone with the real stuff on it.’
‘You know I haven’t. I would never do that to you. Even simple logistics back me up. On Friday, I left the office at one ten, I was back at five past two. In that time I did two taxi journeys in lunchtime traffic. It would have been a very fast fuck.’
Jessie had also calculated Friday’s timings and concluded that there hadn’t been much time to do anything. Also, the tone of the messages, it wasn’t flirty.
But none of that made any real difference to how she felt.
‘You were messaging her without me knowing anything. You betrayed me and, Johnny, I can’t handle it. I feel like I have nobody.’
‘You have me.’
‘Explain to me again about the bank account.’
‘A bank account for the income from the Airbnb. Kept separate from the rest of our stuff, just in case we hit the skids financially. If the bank ever decided to call in our overdraft or cancel our cards, that money might have kept us going until we were back in the black.’
‘You were that worried?’
‘Weren’t you?’
‘Why wasn’t it a joint account?’
‘… Because I didn’t want you to know about it. Unless … until it was necessary.’
‘Why? Because I’d have spent it?’
‘… Well. Maybe. Yes.’
Last night she’d been certain it was his running-away money. This morning she believed this version of events, but it still made no difference.
‘I want you to leave. The house, I mean. I want you to live somewhere else. Not with me.’
No one else would understand why this was such a big deal. They’d think that Johnny had wanted to reconnect with an old friend, at a time of crisis, and there was nothing wrong with that.
‘Jessie, I swear to God –’ He was white with panic.
‘There is nothing you can tell me that will make this okay.’
‘What about … but what about the kids?’
‘I didn’t create this mess and sometimes with kids all you can do is feed them and keep them safe from physical harm. You leaving isn’t ideal –’
‘You mean, you kicking me out isn’t id–’
‘You meeting Izzy Kinsella on the sly isn’t ideal. You pretending you like cats isn’t ideal. But it’s happened.’
‘Please, Jessie.’
‘Michael was going to be okay. I don’t understand why you wanted to see her.’
‘It was that thing of, you know, you get a big scare, then a big relief. I just got carried away.’
‘No. You wanted me and you wanted the Kinsellas and you thought you could have both.’
Cara was awake. The house was noiseless. No sounds of kids playing came from outdoors.
Her phone said it was twenty past nine.
It was surprising how calm she felt. She’d always thought that if Ed left her she’d literally be tearing her garments with grief. But right now her soul was silent. Perhaps because it was still merely theoretical. But in six weeks’ or four months’ or two years’ time, it would be agony.
All of these thoughts rolled around, like smooth pebbles between her fingers.
She found him in Vinnie’s room. ‘Honey,’