like tomorrow it’s empty?’
Fuuuuuck.
‘Nell?’
Was she doing this? Really doing this?
‘Okay.’ Her voice wobbled. ‘What time?’
‘Checkout is at twelve.’ He had to clear his throat. ‘Should we give it a couple of hours to make sure they’re properly gone?’
‘So …? We’ll meet each other there at two o’clock?’
Nothing was going to happen. Not in that way. They were better than that.
Ed had just moved over to the left-hand lane when his car engine began making alarming choking noises. Hitting the brake, he bunny-hopped to the hard shoulder and hoped to God his AA membership was still in date. The engine was emitting evil-looking black smoke and he sensed that it was game over for the ageing Peugeot.
Not ideal in terms of timing. It would never have been ideal, but at the moment, because of the expense of Cara’s illness, they were more strapped than usual. If they needed a new car, she was likely to plunge into a fresh bout of remorse.
He wished she wouldn’t. He got it: she felt profoundly guilty. But it had happened, she was getting well, and it was time to move on.
Maybe the car would be okay. Broken fan belt, something small like that …
But when he lifted the bonnet, bluish flames jumped up at him, immediately burning faster now that they had oxygen.
He strode quickly away down the hard shoulder, putting as much space between him and the car in case it decided to blow up. Never mind ringing the AA, he’d better ring the Fire Brigade instead.
‘The car’s buggered.’
‘What?’ Cara looked up, shocked. ‘Seriously?’
‘The engine went on fire on the M50.’
‘Oh, Ed! Were you okay? Promise? So … Does this mean we need to buy a new car?’
‘Afraid so.’
Oh, no. ‘How much?’
‘Could probably get an okay second-hand one for about ten grand. Bank loan?’
She shook her head. ‘It’s only a month since we got an overdraft.’ To cover expenses they couldn’t currently pay. Expenses that were her fault.
‘Could we get a new credit card?’ He sounded exhausted. ‘Pay for it with that?’
‘Ed, the interest rates … It would be almost as bad as a loan shark.’
They were both silent. She couldn’t ask her parents: they didn’t have it. He couldn’t ask his: they wouldn’t give it.
‘I could ask Johnny for a loan?’ Ed suggested.
‘Maybe.’ She hadn’t done their accounts for a couple of months – perhaps they’d suddenly got a grip on their spending?
Then there was always Johnny’s Airbnb account: there was plenty of money in that.
‘Okay,’ she said. ‘Ask him. The worst thing he can say is no.’
‘Johnny.’ Jessie’s tone was halting.
They’d had a strange evening at home, she and Johnny floating in separate orbits, suspended in an atmosphere of imminent catastrophe. Ferdia and Saoirse were still at the hospital. They hadn’t rung in hours. Soon they would know if Michael was going to make it.
Despite their falling-out, Jessie still thought of Michael with great affection. He’d been a lovely man and the best father-in-law you could wish for. She hoped he’d survive but a solid seam of acceptance ran through her: sometimes people died. Both her dad and her mum had. And Rory. She knew better than most …
Those who hadn’t experienced the death of a parent – and Johnny was one – had an innocence that flew in the face of reality, an expectation that life would still deliver a fairy-tale ending. All the same, she knew the last two days had been really tough going for him.
He was half watching some car show. Jessie took the remote and muted it. ‘Just for a second,’ she said. Then, ‘Babes, we made our choice. It was a good one, we’ve been happy.’
Johnny remained silent.
Maybe if she articulated the truth he was trying to face, it would help. ‘We’ve been hoping that, if we waited long enough, they’d forgive us.’
She didn’t really mean ‘we’: she hadn’t been convinced of the possibility for a long time. But she didn’t want to risk humiliating him. ‘I’m not so sure it’s going to happen.’
‘Okay.’ His voice was barely audible.
She wanted to say more, something to give him comfort or courage, but maybe she’d said enough for now. She presented him with the remote. ‘Watch your cars.’
As if she was keeping vigil, she sat with him.
The car show ended and another began – this must be the car channel. How could there be enough car shows to fill an entire channel?
Her phone vibrated. Ferdia!
‘Bunny?’
Beside her, Johnny’s phone rang – it felt as if every phone in the