and her heart nearly jumped out of her throat.
Jessie’s 50th this weekend, Johnny had written. Doing murder mystery thing in fancy hotel
Izzy hadn’t commented. Nothing from her for an entire week. Then she sent a photo of lambs in a farming championship, followed by a little back-and-forth between Johnny and her about how busy they were.
I’m always on a plane, Johnny wrote.
Ha-ha me too. Never settled down with the babies and the book club
Jessie spotted her name again. Off on my summer holiers with Jessie and the kids. Tuscany
Izzy’s next message wasn’t until ten days later. Ouch! With an emoji of a footballer.
‘What does this mean?’ Jessie asked, distressed because she didn’t understand.
‘Football?’ Johnny said. ‘Liverpool must have been beaten that day. I can’t even remember.’
‘Johnny.’ Her voice was faint. ‘I can’t believe this. All of it.’
‘I didn’t do anything.’
‘You did. I can’t believe … You and her, best friends.’
As she read the stream of messages, many were so bland she thought they must be code.
Nice weekend? Johnny had asked in late August.
Down in Errislannan.
Sounds great. How’s everyone?
Grand
Whenever Johnny mentioned Jessie or their kids, Izzy made no comment.
‘She still hates me,’ Jessie said.
‘I was trying to find out …’
For the thousandth time, Jessie reminded herself that, back in the day, before she’d started sleeping with Johnny, she’d had no clue that Izzy wanted him. This wasn’t her fault. If she had known, would it have stopped her?
Maybe.
And maybe not. Life is rarely black and white, and how could she ever know now?
Thinking out loud she said, ‘I won a competition that I didn’t even know I was competing in.’
‘It wasn’t a competition,’ Johnny said. ‘I loved you. I only wanted you.’
‘Except when you wanted her.’
‘That was a million years before. And you know that, Jessie, you know it.’
Watching Jessie scrutinize the messages from Izzy, Johnny’s heartbeat hurt his chest.
After an exchange featuring several laughing emojis, Izzy had messaged, It would be good to see you IRL
Cautiously, Johnny had bounced the ball back into her court, by replying, It would
A few days later, she’d said, So are we meeting up?
He hadn’t known what to say because he still hadn’t a clue what she wanted from him. Trying to get a steer, he said, What were you thinking?
Drink after work? Someplace city centre
No. He didn’t want to meet her in a public place where he could easily be seen. If word got back to Jessie before he knew how Izzy felt, it was open to misinterpretation. To put it mildly. But neither did he want to lurk with Izzy in shady corners, like he was up to something scuzzy.
He replied, Thinking Errislannan would be better
City centre suits me. Then, Errislannan too far to drive on a school night
He didn’t buy it. The drive wasn’t that long.
It was clear that both of them were being cagey. He didn’t want to meet her in public and she didn’t want him anywhere near her family.
They were at an impasse, and while he was in Italy, he’d decided he was no longer sure this was worth bothering with. But the day they got home from holidays, Jessie told him about Ferdia falling out with Barty. It troubled him deeply. He felt as the ties remaining to the Kinsellas were becoming fewer and fewer, and the thought that soon none would be left made him persist.
So he messaged: Any other suggestions?
She replied: You know what? We could prob have a drink at Dublin airport? Sometime when we’re both travelling? Seeing as we both almost live in the place
It wasn’t a great suggestion. Airports were in constant motion. He had wanted their first face-to-face to be in a peaceful place, where he could ask her about Michael, Ellen and Keeva. And even though they both complained about ‘almost living’ in Dublin airport, he suspected it would be a monumental challenge to pin down an overlapping time when they were both in the vicinity.
It was then that he’d started thinking about his apartment. It was in the centre of the city but it was private.
Limited availability, however.
He could reserve it for himself, but that started to feel like a whole other thing. Despite his hopes for a reconciliation with the Kinsellas, it seemed easier, safer, just to let things slide.
A week elapsed quietly. Then ten days, two weeks … Then Michael Kinsella had a heart attack and Johnny found out about it from Ferdia.
Nothing from Izzy. Not a word.
That first day, he rang her several times and her phone