his place last night. We stayed up half the night in the loft of his barn, drinking beer and talking about our future as roping partners. He’s done with it and wants to stop roping.”
My eyes widened in surprise, and even though I was angry, my heart ached for him. “I’m sorry to hear that about you and Chance.”
He sighed in frustration. “Yeah, me too. But I wasn’t looking to fuck anything or anyone to get you out of my head. I like you. A lot. We’re only just starting to get to know each other, so why are you jumping to all of these conclusions? Why can’t you believe I’m not simply trying to get into your pants? You’re really starting to give me whiplash here.”
I sucked in a breath at his words. I knew what he said was true, but a part of me hated that he had thrown it in my face. “Isn’t that what most men like you do, Tanner? Simply try to get into a woman’s pants?”
Tanner stood before me with a disbelieving expression on his face. I had basically said he was a player. A guy who simply slept with women for sex. That he was only out to sleep with me, and I knew by the way he looked at me that it wasn’t true. I had let my anger at Jase and Mary take hold of me once more. And the worst part was, I had taken it all out on Tanner. I had said hurtful things to him, and I immediately wanted to take them back.
“Wow. Okay, so if that’s your opinion of me, I guess I’m wasting my time trying to tell you otherwise.”
I shook my head. “I…”
He cut me off and kept talking. “I do want to be with you, and yes, if my mother hadn’t knocked on your door, we might have made love. But I guess all you can see is that I simply wanted to fuck you.”
I swallowed hard at his words. Then he let out a laugh, but it was devoid of any humor. “Fine, is what you want to hear from me that I want to fuck you? Is this what you think I want? Hell, strip down and I’ll take you right here in my father’s office. That’s what guys like me do, right? No consideration for anything or anyone. Is that what you want to hear? Because if you honestly think I’d fuck you in my father’s office for the sake of having sex with you, then you really haven’t gotten to know me at all.”
My body trembled as I fought to keep a neutral expression on my face.
The look of defeat on his face nearly brought me to my knees.
“Tanner…I…”
My words drifted off as I saw his eyes glaze over, and I fought to keep from walking forward and wrapping my arms around him. I desperately wanted him to hold me while I took back every single word. So I did just that. I stared to walk toward him, but he put his hand up to stop me.
He shook his head and let out a long, slow breath. “We might not have known each other for very long, but I thought you knew me, Timber. Yes, I do want you. But I want more than a casual fuck. I wanted to get to know you. Spend time with you. Learn everything I could about you. What made you happy, what made you laugh, because I fucking love to hear you laugh. I wanted to make love to you as much as possible. Kiss you all over your face and body until you fell asleep next to me, then wake up and make love to you all over again. I wanted to give you something I’ve never given to anyone before…my heart.”
I nearly cried at how sad and defeated his voice sounded. My hand came up to my mouth to keep from letting out a sob when I realized he was talking in the past tense. Oh God, what had I done?
The tears slipped free before I could stop them, and when Tanner noticed them, he looked as if he might drop to his knees. He took a few steps toward me and then stopped. “Do you really think I only thought of you that way?” he whispered.
I swallowed hard and shook my head. “I don’t think so.”
“You don’t think so?” he asked, an edge of anger in his voice.
“No, I don’t