or something? You’re talking more like a forty-year-old than a guy who is twenty-five.”
“No, smartass.”
“Are you…wait…are you saying you want to settle down? Who is she?”
“No, I’m not saying that. I’m just tired of it all. I mean, tired of everything.”
He laughed. “Tired of what? Sex with women who don’t want anything in return but a simple night with you? Dude, you’ve always had the women falling at your feet, that’s your problem. You’ve never had to work for their attention a day in your damn life.”
I rolled my eyes. “I want something different, but I don’t know what it is. Ever since Ty’s wedding, things have felt…different. I don’t know how to explain it.”
Chance diverted his attention out of the passenger side window before he said, “Dude, I get that. Both your brothers are settling down, getting married. You want that too. There’s nothing wrong with that. Hell, I wanted it with Jessica. I was ready to give up roping if she had asked me to.”
I nearly slammed on the brakes. “What!”
“I’m not saying I was going to give it up, I’m just saying I would have if she’d asked.”
“How is that any different, Chance? Were you actually going to tell me you were ready to give up roping? Like isn’t there some guy code…bros before hos or some shit like that? We’ve been friends and partners for a long ass time, man.”
“I’m just saying things change. People change and there isn’t anything wrong with that. I know someday I’m going to settle down. I thought Jessica was the one; she wasn’t. But she was the first woman who made me want something more. It’s okay to want something more. That’s all I’m saying.”
I turned and quickly shot him a look. “Are we talking about me or you? You’re the one who just said you would have given this all up for a woman, and you weren’t even going to bother to fucking tell me!”
“It’s a moot point now, T. No point in even talking about it.”
“But you were ready to walk away. Don’t you think that was something you should have shared with me? And what’s to stop you from walking away when the next Jessica comes around?”
Chance sighed. “All I’m saying is that someday I’m going to meet someone and I will be willing to give this up. You can’t fucking fault me for thinking she might have been the one.”
“I guess not, but when were you planning on telling me?”
He sighed. “For fuck’s sake, I wasn’t going to leave. I’m just saying, if I met someone who asked me to walk away from this, someone I loved and wanted to start a family with, I’d walk away. Don’t tell me that you wouldn’t…”
I gripped the steering wheel and felt my jaw tighten.
“You would and you know it, asshole.”
Chance drifted back to sleep for a few hours, and when he woke we remained silent for a bit. The radio played and we were both lost in our own thoughts until I broke the silence between us.
“Are you tired of doing this? Is this little holiday break, or whatever you want to call it, your way of telling me you’re done, Chance?”
“No. I don’t know, Tanner. Maybe?” He said with a sigh. “Is it too much for me to ask for a break? I’m tired. Exhausted. We don’t need to do all these smaller rodeos. Let’s just take a break until the beginning of the year. I’m not asking you to find a new partner. I’m simply saying things change. Right now I need a break.”
Chance rubbed the back of his neck, then dropped his hand in his lap. “I need to be home with my family. Get my head back on straight. You’re not the only one tired of all the meaningless women and being away from home.”
We both remained silent as I drove north. The emptiness that had been present since Ty’s wedding was beginning to grow more and more, to take root and form a solid foundation, and it was throwing me. I wanted to talk to Chance about it, but I knew he was going through his own crap. Plus, I had just given him hell for even mentioning the idea of giving up roping. The next few weeks would be good for us. We both needed the break—from roping and probably from one another. And I needed to also take this time to figure out why I kept dreaming about one woman and