not by much. All around them were a dizzying collection of rocky shelves—they could almost be called stairs—embedded within the rock walls, leading upward and downward, sometimes both, at the same time. Each variation dripped with brilliant stalactite crystals. The whole room glowed with a hint of blue, or yellow. Green and almost orange. Except the subtle colors seemed to shift and change when she tried to study them.
She moved to the wall, shining her light. Up close, the crystal looked grayish-white, but as she stepped back, the faint hue of color returned. “It’s us! The colors are us. We’re in the reflection.” She laughed at the surprise of it. “It’s a kaleidoscope room.”
There was a buzz among them as they set up a simple camp, all the while playing with their reflections. They spread a tarp on the ground so they wouldn’t be resting in damp earth and mud. Cotton set up his camp stove on one of the lower steps. The flame of it set red and orange dancing on the wall. The smell of the stew he’d brought felt like it was thick and rich enough to earn a reflection too.
“I think this is the best thing I’ve ever eaten. In fact, there’s no point in eating again. Nothing will ever be this delicious.”
“Sounds like a challenge,” said Leo.
“Yes,” said Cotton. “I look forward to passing your expectations.”
The room was big enough for their four sleeping bags, but small enough that there wasn’t any arguing about the arrangement. The girls were in the middle and the boys were on either end. They were all too close and cozy for any kind of kissing. Especially knowing the way every rustle of the sleeping bag sounded louder in the dark.
Ria didn’t feel tired enough to sleep, but she closed her eyes against the nothing to see. A lullaby of scents and sounds and knowing she wasn’t alone mellowed her mind, sending her onward.
Forty
Ria woke with a sudden shock. She wasn’t sure what had startled her awake. She blinked wildly, felt close to panic when her eyes didn’t work. There was nothing to see in this darkest of dark. Her heart thumped too hard; she felt sweaty on the back of her neck. Her jaw ached. She’d been gritting her teeth so tight they didn’t feel like hers. Especially when she couldn’t find the chipped one. But it was still there.
Fear was here, too.
She rolled over, her knees bumping against Cotton. He sat up. She sensed him reaching out, then a small light appeared, forcing her to squint against its surprise. She grabbed his hand and tugged.
Wordlessly, they left their sleeping bags and headed out of the crystal room. The sweat under her clothes left her feeling shivery. She had no idea how long they’d been asleep. Or what time it was. They made their way along the trail, as if they knew where they were going.
A few minutes later, after turning twice, Cotton stopped walking. She could smell her own sweat mixed with his. It wasn’t unpleasant. Closer to reassuring. Their bodies were working. Her cut still hurt. She was tender in the spots Benny had hit. Also, her hips felt sore and her shoulders were tight. But it was the low-grade burn of fear she’d woken with that had left her unsteady.
“What’s wrong?”
“What would you miss most?” she asked. “If we got lost down here. If we never made it back, what would you miss?”
“We aren’t lost,” said Cotton. “I know exactly where we are.”
She felt relief to hear him say what she’d trusted and assumed. Hoped.
“I’m scared,” she said. But it wasn’t the cave that had her feeling shaky. It was Benny. He didn’t belong here, but he’d slipped in, crawled along beside her, nestled into the spot that made her breathing feel tight.
“How do you carry your missing every day?” She barely recognized her own voice, all strangled and twisted. “I know you miss Esther all the time, so what do you do with the missing? Where does it go so you can do other things?”
“It doesn’t go anywhere. It’s still here. I miss her now. Right here. But you’re here too. And that’s good. It’s both.”
She reached up and he bent over, and in the middle space, they kissed. It was an awkward reach. Her arms felt too aware of themselves and helmets made kissing difficult. Left on the ground with the light on, was much better.
Cotton was right. This was good. The cave wall