thrown herself between him and Gao Shiming. He owed her an explanation. He owed her more.
It took only a minute to order the guardsmen to take the horses. They moved slightly ahead on the path, just out of hearing range. These were matters that couldn’t be spoken of in the open.
‘How did you get free of Lao Sou?’ he asked.
When she didn’t answer, he knew his suspicion was correct. She had put herself in the Old Man’s debt to come to him.
‘What does the Old Man want from you?’
‘It’s not like that—’
He took hold of her arm to pull her close, speaking only in a fierce whisper. ‘I’ve failed Lao Sou twice now and I can’t protect you. I can’t protect our child. Nothing means more to me than that.’
‘Nothing means more to me.’ Suyin tried to cradle his face in her hands.
He pulled away from her. Every touch pained him. Her words held so much hope and faith.
‘You made a deal with him. Suyin, you shouldn’t have.’
‘You were going to your death. It was the only way.’
He’d always known that someone would come for him one day. It was useless to fear the inevitable, but everything had changed. The assassins knew that and they’d taken her to force his hand. They would never stop. Then there were the countless other enemies. Gao, even Shen himself. No one was truly an ally among the jiedushi. He’d already endangered her too many times. He wouldn’t do it again.
‘Does Lao Sou know you’re with child?’ he asked.
She shook her head. It was only a small mercy.
‘You need to go away. Far,’ he insisted. ‘No one can know about the child.’
‘Our child.’
An indescribable emotion coursed through him. Suyin seized on it.
‘We may never be safe and we may never be free.’ Her fingers gripped the collar of his robe. She was a fox spirit, a sorceress, a goddess. ‘I don’t want to hide any more. I want to live openly. I want to see your hair go grey. I’ll grow old and ugly beside you.’
‘You’ll never be old and ugly.’ His voice grew rough with emotion and he finally did hold her, running his hands from her shoulders down the length of her arms. His eyes never left her face. ‘Lao Sou will never forgive this second act of defiance. You don’t know what he’s capable of. He’ll come for my soul. He’ll come for you.’
‘I will die without you,’ she insisted.
‘You won’t.’
Her eyes flashed with anger. She bit down to keep from lashing out.
‘You’ll survive and care for our child,’ he went on. ‘Tell him my name when he’s grown.’
‘You want me to leave? After all that has happened?’
‘This is the only way.’ The words were more difficult than he’d anticipated. He had to force them out. ‘I am doing this—for you.’
Her nearness and everything about her tempted him, but this was not his happiness to claim.
Suyin looked ready to claw his eyes out. ‘I’ll tell your child his father was a coward for abandoning his own flesh and blood. And you know what it is like for a woman alone.’
The pulse in his neck throbbed. ‘You can be quite wicked.’
She shoved him away with a frustrated sound. ‘You already tried to send me away once. We can’t hide. You should know that by now.’
He braced himself, giving her nothing to strike at. No anger, no passion, no emotion at all. It was too easy to be persuaded to take the few hours, days, or even years they could steal for themselves.
‘After I join my army with Shen’s, there will be war among the jiedushi. It is inevitable.’
‘Men have lived with the threat of war for ages,’ she argued.
She was right, but she didn’t understand the whole of why he couldn’t give in to her now.
‘Death will follow me,’ he said bluntly. ‘In one way or another.’
That was the final truth. He was a killer who had defied the most dangerous men in the empire. From his very first night in the alleyways of Luoyang, he was never meant to have a future. Every moment since then had been stolen. Suyin needed to take their child and go far away where she would be safe. That was all he could give.
‘I won’t go.’ Like a stubborn child, she wouldn’t look at him. ‘What will you do then?’
The commotion came first from the guards. He looked quickly to them, saw the movement bursting through the trees. He only had time to grab Suyin