the exquisite tightness of her flesh around him had given way to the shocking breach of her maidenhead. The empire’s symbol of beauty and feminine sensuality was an untouched virgin.
He’d taken her quickly as a defence, the only defence left to him. There were stories about Ling Suyin being discovered in the pleasure dens of Luoyang. She had bewitched the Emperor with a single look. After a night with her, Emperor Li Ming had forsaken all others.
Hadn’t she lured him with every word and every sensual glance? Had her restraint been coyness or innocence? Up to the moment Li Tao sank himself into her, she had responded with an unrestrained passion he had attributed to experience. He sank on to the edge of the bed and rubbed his hand over his temples.
He needed to take apart everything he knew about Lady Ling. She hadn’t seduced Ru Shan, not with her body. The thought gave him a moment of relief, followed by a surge of anger. She didn’t belong to him, but his thoughts would not release her. She had yielded to him. No other man but him.
When he’d left her, there had been genuine sadness in her eyes. At that moment, he no longer knew what was real. He would never know her. The moment he had her in his grasp, she slipped away as if to spite him.
Chapter Nine
Suyin stayed on the cold floor for a long time after the door slammed shut. Li Tao had left, but the ghost of his fury hovered, bearing down on her. Slowly, she retied the laces of the bodice and gathered the robe around her shoulders.
Li Tao had believed the stories and the rumours like everyone else. How could anyone not be disappointed? Even a goddess could not measure up to her legendary reputation.
She wanted to curl back on to the floor. The great burden was finally lifted. The August Emperor was long gone and she was free, but her relief was tainted by a sense of emptiness and loss she couldn’t place.
Her legs trembled when she tried to stand. She steadied herself with a hand against the wall. Long ago, she’d resigned herself to never knowing a lover’s touch. An insignificant sacrifice for a life of luxury and security. As secure as she could be in the imperial court. She had buried the yearning and the hope inside until Li Tao had kindled her desire. Suddenly, she wanted it all, the clouds and the rain and the entire universe hidden within the touch of their bodies. Everything the poems and pillow books had spoken of. All the emotions the other girls had whispered about to each other in the darkness.
This mystery between male and female—there was nothing earth shattering to it. The waiting and wanting were greater than the act itself. Madame Ling had always said as much. Why, then, did she still long for him? She knew about the physical pain that came with the first coupling, but she hadn’t expected the feel of Li Tao inside her to reach so deep it made her heart ache. He had pierced through the loneliness she had hidden away for so long.
Outside, the corridor was empty and she stared down the shadowed passage, waiting. She didn’t want to face Li Tao when her emotions were scattered within her. The mystery was done with. She could go on with her life.
With every step, the dull ache between her legs reminded her of Li Tao’s uninhibited lovemaking. He had not been gentle with her, but his rough caresses had been far from unwelcome. The shock of his entry had filled her with fear, joy and an unanswered promise. The intrusion was almost unbearable, overwhelming her with sensation. The only part she regretted was the deception. Li Tao hadn’t been able to stand the sight of her when he stormed out.
The garden was unlit except for a single lantern at the entrance. A wave of desolation swept in. She couldn’t bear to stay another moment. The guards shouted, but she ignored them. She slipped out to the back of the house and halted at the edge of the gorge, trapped. The guards clamoured after her.
‘Leave me alone,’ she snapped.
In the night, the chasm spread out like a gaping abyss. The chilled breeze tugged at the edges of her dress and stung across her face. When she left the bamboo forest, there was nothing waiting for her but solitude, a string of silent days.
For once, she