like this.’
‘I’m not so easy to kill, Lady Ling.’
‘This is what Gao wants. On his terms.’
‘Enough. This is not your battle.’
In other words, this was not her place. Li Tao wouldn’t listen. He was a man of action, not words, and considered himself accountable to no one. In that way, he and Gao were very much alike. Her stomach sank with despair.
The more Li Tao built up his defences and withdrew from imperial scrutiny, the more his actions would incriminate him. All her knowledge meant nothing. Li Tao would never let her in.
‘If you’re so bent on war, why did you ask me to stay?’ she asked in desperation.
‘I wanted the nights.’ His voice strained to near the breaking point. ‘I wanted those hours with you.’
It was a generous admission from him—for Li Tao to admit he wanted anything—but she found no consolation there.
‘A diversion,’ she said bitterly. ‘But now it’s done.’
He caught her shoulders as she tried to go. ‘It was a mistake to keep you here.’
A mistake. The pain bit deep before she could shield herself against it. She knew it was true, which made the pain worse. Someone had manipulated Li Tao to retrieve her. They were being compelled by unseen forces.
She twisted out of his grasp and moved back to the ridge to stare out over the bamboo sea, trying to recapture the sense of peace she’d had moments earlier.
‘This is all we can have, Suyin.’
His words were a hollow echo of what he’d told her last night. There could be no more. She wasn’t ready to accept it.
‘It’s always like this. First the August Emperor, and now you. Men only desire my company when the threat of death hangs over them.’
Li Tao came close enough for her to sense the heat from his body, so warm in contrast to the coolness of the forest. His arm closed around her waist, the other one about her shoulders to hold her against his chest, fitting her back. With a sigh, she sank against him and let his presence envelop her. He never embraced her in daylight, she realised.
‘I see your face in front of me every moment of the day. I think of your skin, your voice, the way you taste.’ His lips brushed against her hair. He held her even tighter. ‘But this was always meant to end. It has to.’
She squeezed her eyes shut at the last part. She’d known his lover’s words wouldn’t be allowed to stand untouched. There was always bitterness to follow. He was convinced that they could not be, and Li Tao never backed down from his convictions.
He turned her in his arms so they could finally face each other. Without another word, he took her mouth with a kiss that only filled her with more longing, more doubt. His fingers curved over her hip possessively. She clutched at his robe and dragged him closer, as if he could be any closer. When they broke apart, he still wouldn’t let go.
‘You say these words. You insist on these things, but then you—’ She struggled for words. ‘There has to be a way.’
He rested his forehead against hers. The way he held her could be so deceptively tender. She still couldn’t catch her breath and she didn’t want to. She knew now, more than ever, that she couldn’t lose him.
He kissed her again; this time his touch was rough and impatient. ‘These men are more experienced than I at the art of war. At every step, I sense I’m making the wrong move, falling deeper into someone’s plans.’
This was how she had felt in the palace, always fighting against the hold of powerful men and feeling that there was nothing she could do to be free of them. She’d felt that way with Gao and his minions. In a way, even Emperor Li Ming had imprisoned her to his will.
‘You don’t want to be a part of this,’ he said.
‘But I’m already a part of this.’
‘No.’ A single word. It rang as a final declaration. He ran a possessive hand along her spine. ‘This was not part of our arrangement. I can’t have you here.’
His black eyes claimed her completely even as he denied her. She cradled his face in her hands, running her fingers over the rigid line of his jaw, waiting for him to turn away, but he didn’t. Though Li Tao would never admit it, she still had some hold over this indomitable man. For once, she didn’t want