cowered against him.
‘Governor Li.’ She dug her nails into his chest until she connected with taut flesh beneath the rumpled cloth.
‘The town is close,’ he assured.
It was not close. She buried her face against his shoulder and squeezed her eyes shut to escape the roar of the wind. The steady pulse of his heart sounded beneath her ear in contrast to the frantic hammering of hers. He threw a rough arm around her to steady her, a matter of necessity rather than any show of concern, she decided. She was going to be sick.
Finally they reached their destination and he pulled the horse to a stop. He dismounted first and closed his hands around her waist to lift her from the saddle. Her legs trembled like saplings as she settled on to the ground. They stood by wooden gates with a cluster of buildings before them and a babble of voices floated from the streets.
‘Rongzhou is too far, but there is a smaller festival here,’ he said.
She ventured ahead, the harrowing ride soon forgotten. The sound of drumbeats came from the centre of town accompanied by flutes and the crash of cymbals.
A dozen armed soldiers would not be a common sight for a town of this size. At the main square, the crowd parted hastily for Li Tao and his retinue, but the celebration continued around them. She was brought to the front to watch as a troupe of musicians performed in the centre of the clearing.
An uncommon happiness swelled within her with the cadence of the music. Such a change from her solitary days bent over calligraphy or embroidery. The lanterns hung from the rooftops just like they had in Luoyang—cages of light folded from waxed paper with candles flickering inside.
Li Tao stood close behind her. She jumped at the first snap of the firecrackers and grabbed on to him. His arm remained wooden beneath her hand, but he permitted the touch.
When she tried to speak to him, he shook his head, unable to hear above the noise. He bent down and she had to lift herself on to her toes to reach his ear.
‘Over there!’
She wanted to be in the thick of the crowd and absorb the celebration before returning to the long silences of his mansion. Li Tao indulged her, guiding her through the gathering with his hand secured at the small of her back. All the while he scanned the crowd. His men fanned around them protectively.
She had done this so many times as a girl in Luoyang. Every year, she had watched the lights and people and listened as the matchmakers roamed the streets bestowing fortunes upon young couples late into the evening. The blessings were all fantasies: longevity, marriage, all that you desire. The night would always end for her at Madame Ling’s, but out in the festival crowd she would hope to catch a young man’s eye. A scholar with a kind face. Someone to walk alongside for the evening.
The childish dream returned to her so vividly amidst the sulphur smoke and the scraps of red paper littered at her feet from spent firecrackers. She looked up to find Li Tao gazing toward the sky. The moon had risen full overhead, large enough to touch. The sturdy lines of his profile stood out distinctly against the heavens.
He looked down at her then. She still held on to him and he tensed beneath her touch.
‘Governor Li,’ she said. There was nothing after that. She had nothing else to say.
‘Lady Ling.’
His voice resonated deep enough to cut through the firecrackers and the music and the applause of the crowd. It penetrated her, leaving her weightless. He was nothing like the boy, the man she had once dreamed about. She had wished for someone thoughtful and doting, who would touch her hand and gently kiss her in the shadow of some corner.
Her chest grew unbearably tight. Li Tao was a cold, severe, unyielding sort of man. But she almost wanted him to kiss her anyway. They were both clothed in secrets, but they didn’t have to pretend around each other.
‘Buy me a lantern,’ she implored.
‘Which one?’ He looked up again, searching through the coloured shapes that swung above the crowd.
Her gaze settled on a sun-yellow orb with an emerald dragon painted across it. ‘That one.’
He gestured to a man in the crowd. Before long, the merchant was reaching above with a wooden pole to unhook the lantern. He brought it before her and she stared at