all I’ve got.
“Let's just see how it goes, okay?” she says, but she looks skeptical. That's a good thing. Skeptical means she's considering the possibilities. If she were resolute, I'd have cause to worry. “Should we go back to class then? I bet we could make it in time for the committee?”
I'd rather have bubble tea, but …
“Let's go,” I say, because I need her to believe. I need her help.
I don't know if I can survive this alone.
Luke leans over, breathing hard into a paper bag and trying to control the sudden wave of nausea she felt at seeing Little Bee with her windows smashed, her tires slashed. Calix stormed past us with his jaw clenched, like he was furious. Barron was as neutral as always, and Raz was positively radiant with malicious joy.
If the universe wanted to break someone, why not him? Why me? I'm just … average. There's nothing special about me, no reason for this.
“Everything was just like you said it would be,” Luke whispers, staring down at the black tourmaline bracelet on her arm. “Did you bribe someone in the committee to tell you what I'd bought? What I was getting?”
I give her a dark look that she returns with a shake of her head, looking over at Little Bee with a desperate sort of skepticism. Luke wants to believe this is real, that I'm telling the truth, but she isn't sure if she can. If she should.
“Of course not,” I spit, hating the Knight Crew more than I ever have before. They saw me at my lowest this morning, and they didn't give a shit. It didn't inhibit their cruelty in the least, now did it?
“This is insane,” she whispers as April comes down the front steps, one arm banded across her belly, a straw stuck between her lips. She sips on her water as she comes over to us, groaning and rubbing at her lower back.
“Where did you two disappear to this morning?” she asks, and then nods her chin in the direction of my ruined car. “I'm guessing this the Knight Crew's work?”
“It is,” I reply, looking to Luke to help. “I'm having a really hard day today.” I gesture at my ruined uniform and shrug my shoulders. Luckily it was Devils' Day today or I'd have been written up for it. “I just needed to talk.” April nods in understanding. She's an integral part of our group now, but she knows that Luke and I sometimes need our moments. “Oh, and by the way, Calix wants me to meet him at the Devils’ Den after school.”
“You're shitting me,” Luke snorts as she gives April a sideways glance; it takes me a minute to remember that in this timeline, April doesn’t know about me and Calix. I mean, the whole world will once that video drops, but for right now, my secret is safe. “He must think you're stupid. Either that or he must believe you have amnesia. Why on earth would he even consider asking you that again?”
“I'm going to go,” I say, feeling my stomach clench in knots. Today's going to reset anyway, so why not? Why not go and confront Calix the way I always should've? He owes me an explanation, at the very least. “I have nothing to lose.” I look Luke right in the eyes, but she's already shaking her head and backing away.
“No. Just … no. I don't support any of this. Even considering what you told me this morning”—she gives me a meaningful look—“this isn't going to end well. Say Calix up and forgets what he's done, you never will.”
“Just wish me luck and give me a ride, okay?” I ask, and Luke sighs. She'll do it, whether she thinks it's a good idea or not. Luke lets me make my own mistakes, but she's always there when I fuck-up and need a friend.
“Fine. Just … be careful with him. He's pretty to look at, but I'm sure that underneath all of that, he's nothing but hate and privilege.”
But he's not, I think, even as I hate myself for it. Or at least, I don't want him to be.
Calix is sitting on the steps of the old train car when I arrive, trudging through the leaves and the dappled sunlight in my ruined uniform. He lifts his head to look at me, a lazy prince with a hard edge. It's all a facade though, that insouciant slump. His muscles are tense, his eyes like flint,