between his lips. He points back in the direction of the cold drinks, and I dart down the aisle.
Raz turns as I get close, eyes widening slightly as I barrel into him, throwing my arms around his neck and closing my own eyes against tears.
I know what I have to do, but it's hard. It's fucking hard. I gave up a timeline I wanted to live for somebody I don't even like. And it hurts.
“I couldn't live with myself if I didn't do it,” I whisper against his ear, knowing he has no idea what I'm talking about. “Raz, I like you. I always have. Can't you tell, the way we always shoot shit back and forth? You're a verbal curb-stomper.” I turn back to him and press our mouths together before he even gets a chance to react. My tongue slides along the seam between Raz's lips, and after a brief instant of hesitation, he kisses me back, hands gripping my ass. Heat spirals through me, followed closely by relief.
A touch on my shoulder startles me, and I break away from Raz as Barron drops his hand to his side.
“What the actual fuck?” he asks me. Barron, not Raz. His dual-colored eyes are bright with a frustration that it takes me a moment to untangle.
“Nice Devils' Day trick,” Raz says with a sneer, pressing his advantage by squeezing my ass. “If you want to fuck me to prove a point, I accept. Tell me you love me, and I'll believe it.”
“I love you,” I say, but without an ounce of mirth, just a gentle frown and drying tears. Raz's expression is priceless; I've shocked the shit out of him.
Seconds later, Calix comes storming into the store, making his way over to me in the sharp creases of his Crescent Prep uniform with its clean, tailored lines. The logo—the moon on its side, the knife and rod crossed behind it—shimmers in silver stitching from the purple fabric.
“This bitch just hit my fucking car,” he snaps, and I have to close my eyes against a feeling of nausea.
“You did what, Trailer Park?” Raz asks, but he doesn't set me down. His fingers relax on my ass, but he's still holding me. I open my eyes and look him in the face.
“I'm running out of options, Raz,” I tell him, knowing he's going to misinterpret my words. “For how to do this, so why not just be honest from moment one? I love you.”
“Set her down, Raz,” Calix snaps as Barron cracks the lollipop in his mouth with his teeth.
“What are you doing, Karma?” Raz looks at me like he's never quite faced a problem of this magnitude. “We get it: you want to fuck with us today.”
“I want you to look at me the way you always do, like you hate me. But I want you to do it holding my hand. Can you do that?”
Raz looks at me like he has no idea what to think, and I close my eyes, pressing my face into his shoulder. That day at the hotel with Calix was like a dream, one that I was so desperate not to wake up from that I fought sleep for almost thirty hours. But trying to force my tired body through hours of exhaustion is not a way to escape this time loop.
I have to figure out how to balance all the things that I want to happen. And then I need to keep doing that until it sticks somehow. That's the only way.
“Put her down,” Calix repeats, his words a clear command. The only thing his statement seems to do is cause Raz's fingers to tighten on my ass. At this point, I half-expect the boys to throw me in the back of the Aston Martin and take me out to the cabin again. All I have to do is piss off at least two of the three guys to trigger that timeline, right? “Let's take her with us.”
I guess I've never tried it when one of them is actively on my side though.
“Nah, I think Karma's made it pretty clear what she wants today,” Raz says, looking back at me, his face torn between his mask of hatred and that deep, inner want that I saw from him at the cabin. “Some part of me wants you to get pregnant. Because then I'll be allowed—no, encouraged—to be with you.” It cost him something to admit that to me, to be that raw and honest