ask that?” Raz growls out, his red eyes hooded, bedroom eyes in the bright light of day. It's obscene, and I love it. “Because from where I'm standing, that's pretty fucking obvious.”
“I want you to say it,” I tell him, fully aware that there are three people waiting on us right now. Our eyes are locked, and I wish suddenly that I could see his real eye color, those blue eyes of his tucked behind black glasses. I'm hungry for it.
“You better not be playing a Devils' Day trick on me,” Raz murmurs, leaning down and putting his mouth right up against mine. “Because I'm not as strong as you. I wouldn't survive what Calix did to you.”
My heart thumps violently, and my throat closes up, but I can't think about Calix right now. It's just Raz, just me and Raz.
“So you knew he lied?” I whisper, and Raz turns his head away, closing his eyes for a brief moment. “All this time, you knew.”
“I knew.” Raz turns back to me, face dark, as serious as I've ever seen it. “But I didn't care. Because if Calix wasn't such a coward then you'd fall for him, and I wouldn't stand a chance. I'm a selfish, ugly bastard, Karma. I wanted him to fail. I wanted it more than anything.”
I'm struggling to breathe now, tears pricking the corners of my eyes. I'm past the point of needing to grieve for time lost, past the point of wanting revenge, of needing justice. Instead, I just want honesty and apologies.
I want to see the real faces of these three boys, hear the truth of their feelings pass by their pretty mouths.
“If you liked me, you could've just told me. Instead of bullying me, or engaging in witty repartee, you could've said something.”
Raz exhales and then nuzzles his head against the side of my neck.
“That would make too much sense. It wouldn't be messy and bloody and stupid enough for me. Besides, how could I ever compete against Calix?” Raz pauses for a moment and then barks a sharp laugh. “Or Barron.”
“You know about Barron?” I ask, and he lifts his head back up to look at me in surprise.
“You do?” He sounds shocked, so I'm guessing Barron's feelings were meant to be a secret. “Because he's as bad as Calix. Fucking coward. You know he spends half his time defending you, right? Trying to stop the rest of us from being pricks.”
“And the rest of his time being a prick himself,” I add, and Raz grins, shrugging his shoulders loosely.
“Can we do the heart-to-heart after we get to the lake?” Sonja calls out, clearly exasperated at having to witness her evil other half participating in a real conversation for once. “You two can kiss and giggle and carve your names into a tree after we get inked.”
“Shut the fuck up, Sonja,” Raz snarls, giving her a death glare that I'm more used to seeing directed at myself. He turns back to me, softening his expression as his bestie sighs dramatically from the back seat. “Now, where were we?”
“You were going to apologize for letting me hurt for so long, and I was going to forgive you. Then we were going to kiss and go get our names tattooed on each other.” The words are bold, almost sticking to my throat as I force them out, but I'm done with all the bullshit from my old life. If this time loop has taught me anything, it's that you have to ask for what you need. You have to give yourself a voice, or you can't expect anyone to know what's really going through your mind.
“Our names, huh?” he asks, raising his dark blond brows. “Shit, that's next level.” His mouth splits into a wild grin. “But I like it.” Raz leans in close to me, putting his lips up against my ear as my eyes close in bliss. Having his warm breath on my neck makes me think of the cottage, of standing in the hot spray of the shower with him, of lying in the twin bed downstairs and smoking out the open window. “I'm sorry, Karma. I really am. And if this is a Devils' Day trick, and you want to fuck me over, that's okay. Because I deserve it.” He pulls back, but I don't let him get very far, throwing my arms around his neck and pressing our mouths together.
Heat sweeps through me like a firestorm as Raz gathers me