subject he just has to capture in charcoal. I’ve seen his art; he’s good. But he lacks passion in his work. It’s as empty and cold as his voice or that unnerving stare from his brown and blue eyes.
“Aw, are you still salty about all of that?” Raz taunts, pushing his bangs back from his forehead with a smirk. “Did you get your heart broken last year?”
“Since you’ve inconvenienced all of us,” Barron interrupts, his voice like a cool fog on the morning of a funeral. It’s … almost depthless, but also cold. Sad. Indifferent. There’s something about it that’s always scared but simultaneously fascinated me. “Maybe you can meet us at the party and suck us all off?”
“Oh, this I like,” Raz says as I stand there with ice in my belly and fear in my heart. What’s happening? Why is this happening? And how can I make it stop? “I might not like you much, but I never turn down a BJ.”
“And you have all the diseases to show for it,” I blurt before I can stop myself. Raz’s face darkens up, and he spins on me, grabbing me by the shoulders and yanking me close. The way his red eyes search my face, I can tell he hates me about as much as I hate Calix. Maybe more.
“The more I think about it, the more I like this idea. Meet us at the party tonight and we’ll work something out.” He releases me, and I stumble a few steps, but I’m not afraid of the challenge in his eyes, the darkness in Calix’s, or the unnerving stare from Barron.
I won’t be going to the party tonight regardless.
“Fine.”
They all look at me like I’m somewhat of a disappointment, like this is not how I’m supposed to act or how things are supposed to go. There’s no challenge here, and if there’s no challenge, there’s no fun.
“When did you get so goddamn boring?” Raz quips with a dramatic roll of his eyes. “Come on, let’s leave the bitch to whatever emo bullshit is plaguing her. Maybe she can write a sad poem about it and read it in front of the class?”
Raz turns and starts off down the sidewalk. After a long moment, Calix peels away and follows after him.
Barron waits for a beat longer, watching me, almost like he’s committing me to memory.
This too shall pass, I tell myself, but maybe that isn’t true. Maybe some things don’t pass? Maybe this is punishment for all the mistakes I made in life, reparations for all the people I hurt? Maybe I really did drive my car off the road that night and this is purgatory?
Or hell.
More than likely, it’s hell.
“See you at the party,” Barron says, and then he turns and leaves me to stand alone on the sidewalk.
“You did what?!” Luke crows as I stand in front of her, trying my best to maintain some sort of calm. But it’s hard, I’ll admit. All I want to do is go home and sleep, but I’m terrified to close my eyes again. The last few times I did, I woke up at the gas station. So today, I’m going to do my best to go through the motions without hurting anyone I love, and see what happens. Maybe that’s all I need to do? “I can see the headline now: three hundred thousand-dollar Aston Martin crushed by shitty yellow VW bug with eyelashes. What a glorious start to Devils’ Day!”
I say nothing in response. In fact, I probably look like a weirdo, standing there quiet and sullen as Luke laughs and April tilts her head to one side.
“Are you okay?” she asks after a moment, breaking the script. I almost sob with relief. If I had to hear another line repeated over again, I might’ve just collapsed to the ground and given up. “Because you don’t look it. There’s some blood on your forehead and your eyes are a bit glassy. I think you should go to the nurse’s office.”
“No,” I say, but the word comes out in a whisper and Luke stops laughing abruptly, turning to look at me with a hint of fear in her gaze. “I don’t need to see the nurse; my moms took me to the hospital, and it turns out that I’m just fine.”
“They took you to the hospital?” Luke asks, exchanging a look with April. “It’s over an hour away. How did you get there and back so quick?”
“I …” I don’t