hoped at least four. I’d compromise at three but I really wanted five.
Growing up, our house was busy, loud, and chaotic. Admittedly, I now sought peace due to the chaos. But I wouldn’t have wanted to grow up any other way. A house full of noise, love, and laughter. The opposite of what Brady had had. Something I wanted desperately to give him.
So I’d settle on three kids, but I was going to push for six.
“I think I have permanent hearing loss,” Brady complained.
We were in my bed, both of us on our sides facing each other, the length of me pressed tight against the length of him. Maximum touching, post seriously-hot sex. His hearing loss could’ve been due to me screaming my last orgasm so loud even my ears were ringing. Though he could’ve been talking about the decibel level rising when Quinn, Brice, Jason, Mercy, Jackson, and Tuesday had shown up, because seriously, my family was loud and my condo was small so it didn’t help we’d all been packed in like cattle.
“Which part damaged your ears, honey? The general volume of my family? When Jackson and Brice started arguing over Tom Brady leaving the Patriots? Or when Quinn and Laney started shouting over who was doing the dishes? Or when my brother announced his wife was finally pregnant and everyone shouted?”
“All a’ that,” he said, and his eyes danced with humor.
Oh, yeah. I loved that look.
“I’d say I was sorry but this isn’t your first rodeo, cowboy. You knew how loud they can be yet you stayed.”
“Indeed, I knew.”
“Did you have a good time save the damage to your eardrums?”
“I always have a good time when I’m with your family.”
God, I loved that.
I was happy, sated at the end of a good day hanging with my man and my family, learning that my brother and my sister were both going to give me more family to love. Though Delaney didn’t announce this because she was planning something special for Carter involving Emma and a big-sister shirt. So the only thing making the end to the day not perfect was that I knew Brady was going to leave. He’d wait until I fell asleep but then he’d go home.
I didn’t like it one damn bit. But I wasn’t going to let it ruin my good mood.
“Can I ask you something?”
I felt Brady’s body go stiff before he relaxed and said, “Ask away.”
“How many kids do you want?”
His reaction was an immediate shutdown.
Vacant.
And not his normal blank stare—a catastrophic, all-systems failure.
“I don’t, baby,” he told me gently. But there was no amount of gentleness that would soothe that crushing blow.
“You don’t?”
“No.”
How could a single, softly spoken word feel like a slap in the face?
“And since we’re already talking about this you should also know, I don’t ever want to get married.”
It seemed the more words he delivered in that gentle, velvet tone, the more they hurt, because that felt like a dagger to my heart.
“What? I thought you wanted forever.”
“Forever. Not marriage. You want my ring on your finger, it’s yours. You want me to wear yours, I will. But, Hadley, baby, you’re gonna have to find it in you to be happy with my promise I’m yours forever. Because I do not ever want to get married.”
“And if I can’t find it in me?”
I didn’t think it was possible, but Brady closed down more.
Lights out.
Gonzo.
“Then I’ll have to find it in me to step aside so you can find a man who can give that to you, because, baby, I love you down to my soul. I’ll give you everything that’s in my power to give you. But I know that’s not something I can give.”
My blood froze in my veins.
Step aside.
Step aside so I could find a man who could give that to me?
I could feel my feet slipping on thin ice, I could hear it cracking, and I was scared that at any moment, I’d fall through into the icy water and die a slow, cold death.
Yet, I still had to know.
“Why?”
Brady was silent for a beat, then he commenced shattering my heart.
“Because I promised myself I’d never saddle a good woman, the woman I chose to love and cherish for the rest of my life, with that piece of shit’s name. It’s bad enough I have to live with the Hewitt name. No way in fuck will I ever infect you with the motherfucker’s name.”
“Brady,” I whispered.
“Not gonna strap you with that, baby. Not gonna