saw you, you stole my breath.”
My heart seized and my body froze.
“You were twenty, in college, and way too fucking young, but there it is—one look and I was gone.”
Did he…?
“For the next four years, it physically hurt every time I was with you. I knew you were mine but I had to fight against claiming you. And with each passing month that battle’s been harder and harder to win and you damn well know that’s the truth. You’ve been playing me and doing it dirty. Teasing the hell out of me, not knowing the other truth—I was already in love with you but the timing wasn’t right. Then last week happened and straight up, Hadley, that should’ve gone down differently. But fuck, baby, that kiss, it did me in. That was the last crack in what was left of my patience.”
With great effort, I became unfrozen and took a step back. I couldn’t hear this. I’d never recover from knowing he was in love with me but he was still going to keep himself from me. That was worse than thinking he didn’t return my feelings.
Way worse.
Knowledge I couldn’t live with.
“Please stop,” I whispered.
“I’ve tried to deny it. I’ve tried to keep you at a distance. I’ve tried goddamn hard to wait until you were ready. But fucking hell, Hadley, I can’t do this anymore.”
I didn’t know what this was. And I knew it was stupid but I couldn’t stop hope from creeping in. My legs were shaking and I wished I had a couch because I really needed to sit down before I fell and landed on my ass.
“What does that mean?”
“It means I’m done waiting. Ready or not, I’m making my move.”
He was making his move?
Why did that fill me with elation and fear?
“I’m not sure I understand.”
“I know you don’t, baby. And that look on your face tells me that you’re not ready. But I already knew that because last week you stood in your kitchen and you bared your soul. Something you never should’ve done with a man like me.”
That statement didn’t fill me with joy and it didn’t scare me. It annoyed me that he was talking to me like I was an idiot.
“What kind of man are you?”
“One that will exploit your every weakness to get what I want. I’ll use your emotions against you and manipulate you until you’re so into me, you feel me so deep, you won’t be able to run from me when I finally pile all my shit on you. I’ll make you love me so you can’t imagine your life without me in it.”
I stood in a meditative trance, thanking all that was holy I’d been raised by Jasper Walker—who was all man, a man who would manipulate, exploit, and tie a woman deep. I knew this because I knew he’d done just that with my mother. Further, I knew it was not done ugly as the words would suggest, but done with adoration.
Brady was wrong. I was ready. I was also ready a week ago when I laid myself bare. I’d done it consciously because I was Emily Walker’s daughter and she’d taught me good things came to you when you opened yourself up.
But now I had a dilemma. I knew I was ready but I was unwilling to open myself up to more hurt. I was done playing games with Brady. Either he was in or he was out, but I wasn’t using my heart as a checker piece trying to reach his side of the board to see if I got kinged or jumped and captured.
I’d lost this game once.
I was determined, not stupid.
9
“Babe?” I prompted.
Hadley was six feet from me, which was six feet too far. But she was working through her emotions so I stood rooted to give her the space she needed.
That was not to say, I wanted or needed the space, but she certainly did.
I hadn’t lied. I would exploit every opening she gave me, and if she thought she was hiding her feelings, she was sadly mistaken. Every thought she had flashed in her eyes. The war raged in full swing—panic, fear, love, belief, need.
It would be easy to reach out and pull her to me. One kiss and her thoughts would scramble. But I couldn’t abuse the love I knew she felt for me by taking her to bed to convince her she wanted me.
First, she needed to understand the choice was hers. But once she agreed she