my dream come true, my fantasy. She was my everything. Breath. Sustenance. For years, she’d been my reason for living when so many times I wanted to give up. Give in to my family’s curse and drown in a bottle of booze.
“Brady?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you, too.”
Fucking hell. I was wrong, I’d needed those words more than I thought.
I rolled off her, then the bed, and disposed of the condom as quickly as I could.
I hit the bed, slid in next to her, and tucked her to my side.
“Are you staying the night?”
Fuck. Shit.
“No, baby, but I’ll stay until you fall asleep.”
“Okay,” she sighed but said no more.
Her easy acceptance made me feel like a total dick. I knew I needed to talk to someone about my nightmares. They didn’t come frequently but they happened. And with Nicole’s birthday and the anniversary of her death coming up, I was dreaming every night, waking up coated in sweat, the taste of bitterness and failure in my mouth.
I needed to try and I would.
After Nicole’s birthday.
Just one more week, then I’d give Hadley the rest.
14
Two days after my first date with Brady that had ended in outstanding sex but also ended with me sleeping alone in bed, I watched him saunter into the library. This was unexpected but not unwelcomed.
I was in my office on the phone with a first-grade teacher at a local elementary school. The call was important, but seeing Brady through the windows of my office, I wanted to hang up and find out why he was there.
Then I saw Ellen smile and point toward my office and my heart rate spiked when Brady turned and caught sight of me.
He wasn’t smiling, as a matter of fact, his brows were pinched and it looked like something was wrong.
“Steph, I hate to cut this short but there’s someone here to see me. I have your class down for every Monday for the next six weeks. All I need is permission slips and you’re good to go.”
“Thanks, Hadley.”
“Anytime. We love having the kids in the library. I’ll curate a special display each week to go with your lesson plan,” I said and watched Brady as he made his way to my open door.
“That would be great. The first Monday will be about responsibility. We’ll go through all the ‘character counts’ pillars.”
“Awesome. I know just the books to pull.” Brady stopped in the doorway and his expression looked no less troubled. “We’ll talk soon.”
“Yeah. Thanks again.”
I rushed through saying goodbye and hung up.
“What’s wrong?”
“Have you been outside today?” Brady weirdly inquired.
“In general, yes. Since I got to the library and started working? No. Why?”
His eyes glittered and I pushed away from my desk to stand. “What’s wrong?” I asked again.
“There are a bunch of books dumped in front of the green—”
“What do you mean dumped?”
“Babe, calm down.”
Calm down? Was he nuts? I’d had enough of books being destroyed.
“What does dumped mean, Brady?” I could hear my voice getting tighter as I spoke.
“Shit, Hadley, they’re just dumped on the ground. Looks like some pages are torn out. I think you need to call it in.”
Why hadn’t I thought of that?
“I’ll call Ethan,” I told him and glanced around my desk for my phone. “Shit. I think I left my cell in the car.”
“Baby, you’re killing me with the cell. That’s part of why I’m here. I texted you to ask if you wanted to get lunch. I didn’t hear back so I called. After the third call, I decided to ask in person.”
Crap.
“Sorry. But just so you know, you could’ve called the library.”
“Right. I could’ve, but it’d be helpful if you kept your cell close.”
We were back to treading on dangerous ground. I’d heard that enough from my family over the years.
“Brady—”
“That’s not me being a dick. That’s just smart. In today’s world, anything could happen and it’s plain smart to keep your cell phone charged and close.”
On a good day, I didn’t want to argue about cell phones. I knew he was right, as was my mom and sister the five-hundred times they berated me about not being able to get ahold of me. Logically I understood I was a single female who left work after dark, lived alone, and didn’t have a landline at home. But I seriously hated the stupid thing. I didn’t like to be available twenty-four-seven. I enjoyed unplugging and relaxing.
It was no secret I loved my family. But growing up our house was noisy. There were seven of us,