to keep my opinions and decisions steadfast and true.
Which is why, Gentle Reader, when I wrote my column of 19 April, I truly intended it to be my last. However, events entirely beyond my control (or indeed beyond my approval) force me to put my pen to paper one last time.
Ladies and Gentleman, This Author is NOT Lady Cressida Twombley. She is nothing more than a scheming imposter, and it would break my heart to see my years of hard work attributed to one such as her.
LADY WHISTLEDOWN’S SOCIETY PAPERS, 21 APRIL 1824
Penelope refolded the paper with great precision, using the time to try to compose herself and figure out what on earth she was supposed to say at a moment like that. Finally, she attempted a smile, didn’t quite meet his eyes, and joked, “Did you guess?”
He didn’t say anything, so she was forced to look up. She immediately wished she hadn’t. Colin looked completely unlike himself. The easy smile that always tugged at his lips, the good humor forever lurking in his eyes—they were all gone, replaced by harsh lines and cold, pure ice.
The man she knew, the man she’d loved for so very long—she didn’t know who he was anymore.
“I’ll take that as a no,” she said shakily.
“Do you know what I am trying to do right now?” he asked, his voice startling and loud against the rhythmic clip-clop of the horses’ hooves.
She opened her mouth to say no, but one look at his face told her he didn’t desire an answer, so she held her tongue.
“I am trying to decide what, precisely, I am most angry with you about,” he said. “Because there are so many things—so very many things—that I am finding it extraordinarily difficult to focus upon just one.”
It was on the tip of Penelope’s tongue to suggest something—her deception was a likely place to start—but on second thought, now seemed an excellent time to hold her counsel.
“First of all,” he said, the terribly even tone of his voice suggesting that he was trying very hard to keep his temper in check (and this was, in and of itself, rather disturbing, as she hadn’t been aware that Colin even possessed a temper), “I cannot believe you were stupid enough to venture into the City by yourself, and in a hired hack, no less!”
“I could hardly go by myself in one of our own carriages,” Penelope blurted out before she remembered that she’d meant to remain silent.
His head moved about an inch to the left. She didn’t know what that meant, but she couldn’t imagine it was good, especially since it almost seemed as if his neck were tightening as it twisted. “I beg your pardon?” he asked, his voice still that awful blend of satin and steel.
Well, now she had to answer, didn’t she? “Er, it’s nothing,” she said, hoping the evasion would reduce his attention on the rest of her reply. “Just that I’m not allowed to go out by myself.”
“I am aware of that,” he bit off. “There’s a damned good reason for it, too.”
“So if I wanted to go out by myself,” she continued, choosing to ignore the second part of his reply, “I couldn’t very well use one of our carriages. None of our drivers would agree to take me here.”
“Your drivers,” he snapped, “are clearly men of impeccable wisdom and sense.”
Penelope said nothing.
“Do you have any idea what could have happened to you?” he demanded, his sharp mask of control beginning to crack.
“Er, very little, actually,” she said, gulping on the sentence. “I’ve come here before, and—”
“What?” His hand closed over her upper arm with painful force. “What did you just say?”
Repeating it seemed almost dangerous to her health, so Penelope just stared at him, hoping that maybe she could break through the wild anger in his eyes and find the man she knew and loved so dearly.
“It’s only when I need to leave an urgent message for my publisher,” she explained. “I send a coded message, then he knows to pick up my note here.”
“And speaking of which,” Colin said roughly, snatching the folded paper back from her hands, “what the hell is this?”
Penelope stared at him in confusion. “I would have thought it was obvious. I’m—”
“Yes, of course, you’re bloody Lady Whistledown, and you’ve probably been laughing at me for weeks as I insisted it was Eloise.” His face twisted as he spoke, nearly breaking her heart.
“No!” she cried out. “No, Colin, never. I would never laugh