here, but I can’t leave. She’s been scrolling over the Star Passion article repeatedly for the past five minutes, as if the images or their impact on our family might change if she looks just a little longer.
When she finally turns back to me, it’s almost a relief. Except her eyes are black with disappointment—like lava gone cold.
“Tell me this is part of a bigger plan to generate publicity for the family,” she says, her voice too quiet. “Tell me you wouldn’t intentionally jeopardize our position here over a childish romance. With your professor!”
Her voice climbs on the last word as she slaps her hand onto the desk, like that one particular detail is the last straw on the pile of my offenses that she just can’t handle. I know she’s past pissed off. But for the first time in my life, I’m less worried about her wrath than I am about everything I’m about to lose because of it. Not the clothes on my back, the roof over my head, or even the car I drove here. My heart is lodged in my throat because of the things that have no dollar signs attached or status to validate. The fallout of my carelessness will reach further than that. Because of me, Gramps is going to suffer. Probably Kell and Jaden too.
And Maximus.
Oh, God.
How deep into the fire will she throw Maximus for this?
It’s impossible for me to even contemplate that answer. We haven’t gotten to the specifics of those consequences yet, but I know they’re coming. Veronica Valari might be a vicious bitch, but she’s a woman with a plan first.
“Are you going to answer me?”
“If you want me to lie to you, I will.” I lift my chin by a determined notch. “I’m guessing that’s not what you really want, though.”
She huffs a breath out through her nose. “So how long has this been going on?”
“Not long.”
“Please…” She closes her eyes with a pained grimace. “Please tell me you haven’t done anything foolish.”
I glance out past the heavy curtains that frame her picture window. I wish I could jump through it and visit Gramps. Pretend like today never happened.
“I haven’t slept with him, if that’s what you mean.”
She releases an audible sigh. “That may be the best news I’ve heard all day.”
I look back to her, unable to share in any of her relief. Unable to do anything, really, except spear her with my quiet but fulminating fury.
Finally, I murmur, “It’s a little ironic, don’t you think?”
“I don’t see anything ironic about this, Kara. This was a near disaster. Now that I know you haven’t crossed any lines, I’ll see if I can work it to our advantage with the media, but—”
“No.” I’m not any louder about it, though I push out more anger from between my locked teeth. “The irony is that we’re descendants of the fallen.”
Her eyes seem frozen wide. “Yes, and…?”
“And they fell by choice. Don’t you think it’s awfully ironic now that I’m robbed of all my choices? When did the doctrine change, Mother? And why is my virginity so damn important? This is archaic—”
She slams her hand onto the table again. “Does a soldier have a choice when faced with duty?”
“I’m not a soldier, and neither are you.”
“For being such a dedicated student, you can be extremely stupid, Kara. Can’t you see this isn’t about you?”
The insult stings—until I recognize it for what it really is. A sad attempt at manipulation. I refuse to let her succeed at it. I won’t be stopped from at least saying my piece. I’m not going that quietly into this wrenching fate.
“I’m caught between two worlds. We both are. I’m just trying to figure out who the hell I am. Don’t you get that?”
My voice wavers at the end, and I hate myself for even that small weakness, but something softens in her at the same time. Under all her hyperfocus and manipulation, she’s still my mother. Maybe she still cares, at least a little. Maybe because once upon a time she was robbed of her choice and wasn’t entirely thrilled about it either.
“We may be caught between two worlds, Kara, but we only serve one kingdom.” Her voice is more measured than ever. “And we may not be soldiers, but we’re loyal. We don’t reign below, but we can live like kings here as long as we serve well. And the minute you give your body to someone else before you’ve fulfilled your obligations, you’re turning