his face, dismounted, and adjusted his satchel. He walked the bike down the driveway and locked it up in the (now mostly empty and clean) garage.
Cart was standing at the grill. He was wearing a Cardinals shirt and jersey shorts and slides, which meant he’d had time to go home and change after his shift, and he was swearing under his breath and rubbing his head as he bent over the grill, considering something.
“You’re going to burn your eyebrows off,” Theo said. “I’d say you’ll burn your hair off too, but you don’t have enough for that.”
“I’ll still be better looking than a sorry-ass motherfucker who gets the fifteen-dollar wash and set at the Beauty Barn. How do you like your steak?”
“Medium-rare,” Theo said, leaning against the deck’s railing. “And I don’t get the wash and set. I just cut the ends off with some kitchen scissors every couple of months.”
“You’re not getting medium-rare. Sorry.”
Theo pushed his hair behind his ears.
“You can’t stare at the steaks forever, Cart. You’re going to have to look at me sometime.”
“No, I brought sunglasses. I’m going to put them on and just stare at the wallpaper. You won’t even be able to tell.”
A robin fluttered onto the branch of an oak tree at the edge of the property. It checked itself with its beak, and then its little head swiveled before it burst into flight again.
“I cannot believe I burned these fucking steaks. I can’t even goddamn believe it. I am one miserable, sorry, dumbass country motherfucker if I can’t even grill up a decent steak. I brought some of that cabernet you like, and I brought real plates and real silver, and I even brought a tablecloth.”
“What is a redneck son of a bitch like you doing with a tablecloth?”
“Fuck if I know,” Cart said, still bent over the grill and poking one of the steaks with a pair of tongs.
“Cart?”
“I didn’t burn the green beans. That’s something, right? They’re in the oven with bacon and those little almond slivers.” Cart almost looked up then, catching himself at the last minute, as he mumbled, “I bought them at the Piggly Wiggly.”
“Cart.”
“And I got you some of that fudge cake from the Family Bakery. I think you like that, right?”
“Ok,” Theo said. “Apparently we’re doing this the hard way. Stand your ass up straight and look at me.”
It took a minute, but Cart complied. His eyes kept darting away, and he must have forgotten he was holding the tongs because he tried to shove his hands in his pockets and then started swearing under his breath and scrubbing at the smear of char they left on his shorts.
“Full attention, please.”
“I’m listening.”
“Eyes and ears, Cart.”
It took another full minute.
“I’m sorry I got so upset when you didn’t text me,” Theo said. “And I’m sorry I made a comment about how much of your personal life you share with your coworkers. Just so you know, it’s really upsetting when you don’t communicate with me. I understand that you get busy, but I need the occasional check-in. I feel really uncertain about things with you because, frankly, I’m scared shitless and sometimes I feel really, really guilty. About Ian. When you don’t respond to my messages, my brain goes into overdrive with that kind of stuff.”
“Yeah, well, I’m sorry too.”
“You’ve got to do better than that.”
“Well, I’m sorry, motherfucker. What do you want me to say?” That huge shit-eating grin broke out on Cart’s face for an instant. “That didn’t really sound like an apology, did it?”
“Not even close.”
“Look, I know I’m a dumb son of a bitch. I know I’m lucky a guy like you would even consider, you know, a guy like me. I know I fuck things up every time I turn around.” He rubbed his buzzed head. “I don’t know what to tell you. I’m a miserable, stupid, fucked-up hoosier motherfucker, and I wish I treated you better. My brain is fucked every way from Sunday. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.”
The robin had settled on a sweetgum tree farther down the line. The sun was huge and low in the sky, not quite sunset yet, but the shadows were long. Cart’s gaze dropped to the deck, and then he looked up for a moment, an uncertain smile playing across his face.
“So what are we going to do differently?” Theo said.
“I can’t promise I’m not going to get mad. I’m stupid as fuck, and I’ve got a temper.”
“You’re not stupid. Quit saying