his back. He put an arm over his forehead and looked out at Theo from under it. “That’s really good.”
“Thanks.”
“Except you plagiarized my essay.”
Grinning, Theo slapped Auggie’s leg. “I didn’t plagiarize, dummy. Look.” He turned the laptop to show Auggie. “The footnote.”
Auggie propped himself up on an elbow and read, “I am indebted to August Lopez, a rising Shakespeare scholar, for this reading of estrangement in his unpublished paper blah blah blah.” His eyes came up to meet Theo’s. “I’m not a rising Shakespeare scholar.”
“You are if I have anything to say about it. Plus it was an awesome analysis, and I want to steal it, and in order to steal it, I have to give you credit. So, boom.”
“Oh my God, did you just say boom?”
Theo smiled. “Let’s get you something to eat. Big Biscuit, on me.”
Arm across his eyes again, Auggie shook his head. His voice was thick when he said, “I don’t deserve Big Biscuit.”
“Well, it’s more a question of—”
“Theo, I am so, so sorry. I hate myself. I hate myself for what I did last night. I never meant to out Cart. I mean, someone did that to me, kind of, and it was horrible, and then I did it to him. I thought—I was just trying to say something so Dylan and I could leave, and, I don’t know. I knew he didn’t want things to be very public, but I didn’t know he was totally closeted. And then I showed up here, and I was a mess, and oh my God, if we ever have to talk about what happened last night, the other thing, I mean, I’ll probably never be able to have sex again. So, um . . .”
Water dripped in the bathroom. Outside, a cardinal streaked past the window, a red comet that interrupted a chickadee’s fee-bee, fee-bee. Then the cardinal was gone, and the chickadee picked up its song again.
“Do you know what he gave you?”
Auggie cleared his throat. “He said it was molly. Well, he didn’t say that, but we’ve done it before. Molly is—”
“I know what molly is.” The tightness in Theo’s chest made it difficult to speak. He tried to keep his voice even. “So you took something and you didn’t even know what it was? That was really stupid.”
“I know.”
“If you know—”
“Please don’t do this,” Auggie whispered. “You can be mad and hate me, and I’ll never bother you again, but please don’t do this.”
Theo leaned back against the couch. He ran his hand up Auggie’s leg. In his mind, he was in the loft again, looking down at Luke’s face, the flies crawling on his eyes. After everything Theo had done, after the brawls, the knife fights, the nights of searching, the days of making sure he didn’t choke to death on his own vomit.
“I don’t know how,” Auggie said, “but I’m going to make things right. I’m going to talk to Cart. I’m going to—God, I don’t know. I’m going to figure it out.”
“Good luck. He’s not answering his phone. He wasn’t at his apartment last night, and he wasn’t there this morning. I knocked loud enough to wake up his whole building. Both times, actually.”
Auggie moved his arm away from his face. His eyes were wet. “Is that how you hurt your hands?”
Theo shook his head.
Then Auggie saw the Jordans he’d left at Dylan’s sitting by the front door. “Did you—”
“Don’t ask me,” Theo said. “And I won’t have to lie to you. Your clothes are in the dryer.”
“God, I’ve ruined your whole life. I’m sorry, Theo. I’ll just go. You can burn my clothes. I’ll wash these and mail them back to you.”
“You haven’t ruined my life. Cart’s problems are Cart’s. I guess I knew—I guess I knew I was pushing him farther than he was comfortable. I knew the party was a bad idea, but I thought I could show him that we could take small steps. Anyway, it is what it is. If he still wants me, well, I’ll help him through it. And if he doesn’t, well, I’ll figure that out too.”
“He’s an idiot if he doesn’t want you.”
“It’s nice to know somebody thinks so. Right now, I’m guessing Cart wishes he’d never met me. Anyway, that’s enough of that. Let’s go get something to eat. You’ll feel better.”
Auggie shook his head. “I’ll go home. I think I need to go home. I’ll crawl into my room and never see a human being again. And—oh my God.” He groaned.