is with the youngest,” Jerry said to Theo. “Spare the rod, spoil the child.”
Theo kept his mouth shut. He wanted to see how far this crazy train could run on its own.
“Don’t be rude, Orlando,” Billie said. “Offer them something to drink.”
“Yeah, Pee—” Pam said, and then she cut off, her face reddening.
“How about a beer?” Chris said. Her voice was deeper than her sisters’, and she rose from the couch with easy grace. “Theo will help me. Come along, Theo. Mom, I’ll freshen that up for you.” She took her mother’s glass, hooked Theo’s arm before he could say anything, and tugged him toward the kitchen.
“So,” Chris said as she filled her mother’s glass with fresh ice, “you’re the sleuth.”
“Not really,” Theo said.
“Grab something to drink for you and your—” She hesitated. “Boyfriend?”
“Friend.”
“But you are gay, right?” The question was delivered with a kind of frank wonder that almost made Theo smile. “You just don’t seem, you know.” She flopped her wrist, laughed, and reached past him to retrieve a bottle of Skyy vodka from the freezer.
“Very gay,” Theo said. “Extra gay. Like I got a double helping.”
“Would you ever consider fucking Orlando?”
“Excuse me?”
“Just theoretically, I mean. I know he’s a total wipeout with girls. He’s just such a loser. But I thought maybe gay guys had different standards.”
Theo forced a smile and opened the refrigerator. He was surprised—and pleased—to see four-packs of Perennial, a craft brewery in St. Louis that he liked. He took a can of their pilsner, and then he spotted a Coke and took that for Auggie.
“He can have a beer,” Chris said as she added tonic water to her mother’s glass. “Nobody’s going to say anything.”
“He’s nineteen.”
Chris beamed at him. “Oh God, you really have a thing for him, don’t you? I thought Orlando was just jealous.”
“I’ll take Auggie his drink.”
“Don’t run off; I wanted to talk. Just us girls.” Chris laughed. “Orlando didn’t really promise to pay you, did he? Dad blew his stack when he heard that.”
“I don’t know anything about that. I’m just helping because Auggie and Orlando asked.”
“It’s so silly. This whole thing is just so silly.”
“Orlando doesn’t think so.”
“Drama.” She sang the word in lilting syllables. “He’s just tired of not getting any attention. He thinks this is his chance to shine.”
“Is it true Cal has a problem with drugs?”
“Oh my God,” Chris said, laughing again. “You’re really serious about this, aren’t you? You look way too old to be caught up in this kind of thing.”
“Where do you think Cal is?”
“Sleeping one off. Probably with that girl.”
“What girl?”
“Jessie something. Oh, you’re playing detective. You want her last name. Hold on.” She took her phone out and tapped the screen. “Jessie McEwen. If you want to talk about drugs, you should take a look at her. That girl.” She shook her head. “Can you believe she and Pam were friends in high school? Gross.”
It was getting harder and harder to keep the smile in place.
“Just think about it,” Chris said, taking the Perennial from Theo and popping it open. She slurped foam and then took a long drink before handing it back. “Preferably before you get dragged upstairs. You’d think the boys were still in high school, with how much time they spend in those old rooms.”
“Think about what?”
“Fucking Orlando,” Chris said with another husky laugh. “Honestly, I think Dad would pay two thousand dollars just for somebody to pop his cherry.”
9
They were there two hours before Auggie finally managed to get Theo alone. Two hours of the Reese Family Everything’s-All-Good-Sunshine-Hour-and-Alcohol-Poisoning Show. When they finally got away, Orlando was leading them to Cal’s childhood bedroom, and Auggie stopped on the stairs and caught Theo’s wrist.
“These people are fucking nuts,” Auggie whispered.
Theo nodded. His face didn’t change as he reached down and removed Auggie’s hand.
“Are you listening to them? They all insist everything’s fine. They’re all pretty and polished and slightly drunk and evil.”
“Ok, they’re not evil.”
“They’re evil.”
“Well, maybe Chris.”
“All of them. They’re like those super bitchy girls on Pitch Perfect.”
“What?”
“Never mind,” Auggie said, thumping his head against the wall. “I forgot you’re a million years old.”
“Ok,” Theo said, starting up the stairs again.
“And why do you get a beer and I have to have a Coke?”
“I’m not doing this with you.”
“I’ve had beer before.”
Theo kept going.
Auggie went after him. “Fer lets me have beer.”
“Bull.”
“Ok, but he pretends he doesn’t know I sneak them when he’s not home.”
“We’re not talking about this anymore.”
Orlando emerged onto the landing above them and