I wanted this baby. I wanted us to be a family. Everything would be better. I would be better. “But you need to eat your breakfast. I’ll make a new omelet, okay? How about a stack of pancakes? You know what? I’ll just make everything.”
She laughed a little. “An omelet is good. Don’t go overboard.”
“Ask me the question again.”
“What’s good in your life, Jude?”
“Same answer as before. You.” I dipped my head and kissed her softly. Gently. Like she was made of glass and would shatter if I pressed too hard. It was Lila who deepened the kiss and sunk her teeth into my bottom lip. My girl. She was a fighter.
“Next time you decide to fuck me, don’t forget to bring me along for the ride.”
“You’re my ride or die, baby. I’ll never leave you behind.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Jude
I’m crossing a field of poppies in Afghanistan. I’m in front, Reese right behind me. Up ahead, I see the boy. Today he has a cell phone in his hand. He grins at me before he darts away. I know I should report it but I don’t. He’s just a kid, no more than ten or twelve. Why would an innocent kid report our position to the Taliban?
Only a few minutes later, we’re walking down a road when the shooting starts. I duck behind a wall, taking cover. I’m shouting at Reese but it’s too late. He falls to the ground, and I leave my cover, crawling toward him. An AK is pointed at me.
I lift my rifle and get him in my sights. I pull the trigger and I shoot him. The boy’s eyes widen as he falls to the ground. When I look again, it’s not a boy, it’s a baby. Belly down, I drag myself across the blood-soaked dirt. A bullet whizzes over my head and kicks up a cloud of dust right next to me. I don’t even see the next shot being fired or where it’s coming from but I feel it. My face is in the dirt and I’m choking on it. I feel like I’ve been bashed in the head with a baseball bat.
Everything goes eerily quiet but I can still hear the call to prayer from the mosque. Lifting my head, I blink the sweat from my eyes and try to adjust my blurry vision.
I’m shouting, Reese needs help, but nobody hears me.
Pressing my dirt-caked hand over Reese’s neck, I try to staunch the bleeding. “Hang in there, buddy. You’re going to be okay.”
“Can I get a Hail Mary?” His voice is garbled. Blood runs from his mouth like a river.
“You’re going to be okay.” I keep repeating the words, telling him that everything is going to be okay but I know it won’t.
Reese’s eyes stare blankly at the blue Afghan sky.
But it’s not Reese. And it’s not the boy or the Talib I just shot and killed. It’s a baby with green eyes and dark hair.
I get to my feet and I stagger back a step, my boot planted firmly on the ground. My blood runs cold and I’m covered in sweat. I know it was a mistake. I look down just before the IED explodes.
I jolted upright, my pulse racing and my heart pounding. Panic clawed its way up my throat, goosebumps raising the hairs on my sweat-slicked skin.
I was dying. I was going to die. All the air was trapped in my lungs and a freight trained raced through my head. I couldn’t fucking breathe.
“Jude. You’re okay. You’re okay. It was just a dream. Breathe. In. Out. In. Out.” She kept repeating it until the words reached my ears and I did as she said, trying to fill my lungs with oxygen then release it. Since when had breathing become so difficult?
I leaned my back against the headboard and closed my eyes, spent and exhausted. “Did I hurt you?” I asked when my breathing was normal again. I wasn’t nineteen years old, watching my friend die before my eyes and I wasn’t in Afghanistan. I was in my bed in Texas with Lila who was pregnant with my child. “Did I do anything...”
“No. No, you were just thrashing. And you... you were shouting.”
Fuck. I was thrashing and shouting? I opened my eyes and scrubbed my hands over my face. “I’m sorry. Did I scare you?”
“No,” she lied.
Of course you did, asshole. What kind of a psycho thrashes and shouts in their sleep? My head hurt like a motherfucker and the light made