He’d also confided that it was hard following in my footsteps back in high school and he couldn’t wait to get away from home. I asked him if he was happy in New York. He said he felt like he could breathe easier and be his own person and I guess I could understand that too.
“Jude,” my dad prompted. “Something you’re not telling me?”
What I wouldn’t give to tell him the truth for a change. I glanced at my mom. She shook her head, a silent plea for me to keep my mouth shut. She knew I didn’t want the business but she didn’t want me to tell my dad. Not yet, anyway.
The man had just come home from the hospital after a triple bypass. The doctor told my mom he needed rest and the last thing he needed was undue stress which I knew my words would cause him. I’d tell him later.
“No. It’s all good.”
My mom’s shoulders relaxed and she gave me a smile and mouthed Thank you.
The next morning I moved out of my childhood bedroom and into Jesse’s one-bedroom apartment above a garage. It smelled like diesel oil. The apartment was a dump but the location was ideal. Half a mile from Lila’s. It was temporary but so were all the other places I’d lived since leaving home.
It felt like I’d been homeless for so long that I didn’t even know what a home should feel like anymore.
That wasn’t true. I knew what home felt like. My home was not a place, it was a person. My home was Lila. Being back here made me realize that I’d never gotten over her, and I never would. I was just hoping that it wasn’t too late to make things right.
I needed to win back her love, her trust, and her faith in me.
And I wouldn’t give up until that happened.
Chapter Forty
Jude
The morning sun had burnt through the clouds and now it was all blue skies without a cloud in sight. Plumes of orange dust kicked up behind me as my running shoes pounded the dirt road that cut through lush green fields, the terrain hilly and rugged. The same road where I’d pushed Lila to the ground and threw my body over hers to protect her. Only we weren’t in any danger. There weren’t insurgents shooting at us. No snipers on the roof. No IED explosions. Just a bunch of kids setting off fireworks on the Fourth of July.
And I’d lost my shit.
Sometimes I still saw the faces of Reese Madigan and the other guys from my unit who had been killed. Sometimes I’d see the faces of the civilians who had been killed. Innocent victims caught in the crossfire.
I used to see that boy’s face everywhere. He was smiling, excited about his candy stash and the pens we gave him. Kicking the ball around with us. He was just a boy, no older than ten or twelve, unfortunate enough to be born in a country where a war raged in his own back yard.
But now I was better equipped to deal with the stressors and for the most part, I felt more like my old self.
As I crested the next hill, I saw a figure in the distance. Even from here, I knew it was Lila. Running toward me. My heart rate accelerated, and it had nothing to do with the exertion of running.
I sped up, erasing the distance between us.
“Hey, Hot Stuff,” I said when I stopped in front of her. Her cheeks were flushed pink, a sheen of sweat on her face, her hair pulled back in a high ponytail. She looked beautiful. “Fancy meeting you here.”
“Right back at you.” She grinned and like a fool, I was grinning back at her. Her eyes lowered to my bare chest and she licked her lips, swallowing hard. Chuckling to myself, I used the T-shirt in my hand to wipe the sweat from my face.
“Why are you here?” I asked, my gaze lowering to the sports tank she wore with her skimpy running shorts.
“Maybe I was looking for you.” My smile grew wider at her admission. “Just joking,” she said with a laugh, wiping the grin right off my face. “This is still my favorite place to run.”
“Must be my lucky day.”
“It’s good to see your smile. I’ve missed those dimples.”
“Oh yeah?” I moved closer and brushed a stray lock of hair off her face. “What else have you missed?” I just couldn’t help myself, could