her first time special.”
I coughed, not sure I’d heard her right. “Her first time?”
She laughed. “Sex, Jude. Don’t act like you haven’t thought about it. I might be dying but I’m not blind. I see the way you look at her. But there’s no rush. You’re both young. Wait until the time is right.”
“I...” I chuckled. “This is awkward.”
“Sex is natural. No need to make it awkward. I’m glad you found each other. Sometimes I wish... well, never mind. It’s good to wait until the right person comes along and when that right person comes along when you’re nine years old, that’s magical.”
With every ounce of willpower I possessed, I forced myself to stop and I pulled away, trying to get my raging hard-on under control. No easy feat. I wanted her so badly I couldn’t see straight. Bracing my arms on either side of her head, I looked down at her swollen, kiss-bruised lips. I wanted to mark her like those stupid vampires in the books all the girls were reading.
She looked up at me, her lips parting and I dipped my head and kissed her neck, sucking on the sensitive skin until I was sure it would be bruised and purple tomorrow.
Mine.
“Did you just give me a hickey?” she asked when I rolled off her and sat next to her.
“Yep.”
I leaned back on my elbows, pretty damn proud of my handiwork and she rolled her eyes and said gross but there was a smile on her lips and I didn’t think she minded it that much. “How was your first kiss?” I asked, wishing I’d just kept my mouth shut.
“Not bad. It was kind of nice.”
“Kind of nice?”
“I don’t want to give you a big head or anything.” She tugged her bottom lip between her teeth, suddenly shy. It was cute. “Are all kisses like that?”
I laughed and scrubbed my hands over my face, stifling a groan. “No. Definitely not.”
She smiled, triumphant, like it was a contest and she’d won. Which she had. Hands down best kiss I’d ever had. Because it was Lila. And I’d been dying to kiss her for longer than I could remember. We’d had so many almost kisses which had made this one even sweeter. The waiting. The wanting. The longing.
I wanted more. Of everything.
“Good,” she said.
The smile slipped off her face and I saw the sadness that had been there for months. I reached for her hand again and held it in mine. “I took her for granted. I thought she’d be here forever, you know?”
Sometimes I forgot how small Lila was but right now she looked so tiny. So fragile. “Come here.”
I sat up and pulled her against my side, wrapping my arm around her shoulders, trying to let her know that I was there for her. I could feel her breaking. She was crying. Just these big fat silent tears rolling down her cheeks and all I wanted to do was take away her pain and make it my own. I wanted to fix this for her and it made me angry that I couldn’t.
I swallowed hard. Lila was talking about her mom as if she was already gone, and maybe that was what she had to do. Contradicting her, telling her that there was still a chance her mom would be okay, would be a lie.
“She was the best mom.”
I nodded in agreement. She was right up there with my mom who was pretty damn great.
“Tell me something good, Jude.”
I wracked my brain trying to think of something good and opted for something funny instead. Having Jesse around ensured that there was always plenty to laugh at. “If you put grapes in the microwave, they explode. We found this out yesterday when Jesse conducted an experiment.”
Lila laughed. “He’s crazy. What did your mom do?”
“Just kind of shook her head and tried not to laugh. He said it would be easier to make jelly now and he smashed up all the exploded grapes and slathered them on his peanut butter sandwich.”
Lila was really laughing now. “Jesse is obsessed with exploding food. Remember the time he tested the Pop Rocks and Coke myth?”
I snorted. He’d been so disappointed when his stomach hadn’t exploded. It just made him burp. “Did you know that Cap’n Crunch has a real name?” I said, sharing more Jesse trivia.
“No. What is it?”
“Captain Horatio Magellan Crunch.”
“It is not. You’re making that up.”
“Nope. True story. And Minnie Mouse’s name is Minerva.” I side-eyed her. “You kind of look