her hand. Trying to soothe me, like I was a fucking baby. “Jude... are you okay?”
“Am I okay?” I laughed harshly. Was she out of her fucking mind? “Define okay.”
“Could you just turn around and look at me? Please,” she added, her voice tinged with worry. I hated that she felt the need to worry about me. It made me feel weak. Pathetic. The way I used to feel when I came back here seven years ago and she tried to do everything in her power to fix me. To heal me.
“Why? So I can see what I’ve lost? I don’t need another reminder of that.” Even I could hear the bitterness in my voice. I took another deep breath then granted her wish and turned around to face her.
“Brody just left. He had to check on one of his horses.” That was the only reason she’d ventured into the kitchen. Brody was gone. Surprised he’d left her alone with me. Her eyes darted to the sink filled with dirty dishes. “You rinse and I’ll stack?”
I scrubbed my hand over my face and laughed under my breath. Why the hell not. Let’s just pretend that everything was fine. “Sure.”
“He has so much energy.” I followed her gaze out the window above the sink. Noah streaked across the back yard with Jesse chasing after him. “He’s like one of those Energizer bunnies. Just keeps going and going.” A nervous laugh escaped her lips. It was so unlike her to be nervous or act shy around me but suddenly we were like two people just getting to know each other, unsure where to even begin.
I handed her another plate to stack in the dishwasher. “He’s a fast runner. Like you.”
“And yet, I could never beat you.”
“I would have let you win but the one time I tried that, you punched me in the face and accused me of treating you like a girl.”
“I didn’t punch you in the face.” She laughed. “You’re just making stuff up now.”
“Might have been my shoulder. There was definitely a punch involved.”
“Sorry,” she said, not sounding the least bit sorry.
“No, you’re not.”
We both laughed and it eased some of the tension.
I rinsed and she stacked, neither of us talking until the job was done. When the dishwasher was filled, she leaned her hip against the door to close it. I turned from the sink, wiping my wet hands on my jeans, and took my first good look at her since she’d arrived.
“You look good, Rebel.” She looked up at me from beneath her long lashes. The sun pouring through the window gave her skin a honey glow, highlighting the flecks of gold in her green eyes. Her throat bobbed on a swallow, and she licked her lips. I wanted to sink my teeth into her pillow-soft lips. Crush her body to mine and never let her fucking go.
How could I have ever walked away from the best thing in my life? Even after all these years, I still didn’t have an answer. Except that I was so fucked in the head that I couldn’t stay and subject her to more abuse. “Motherhood looks good on you.”
Her eyes lowered to the terracotta tiled floor. “I never meant... I never meant for it to happen this way. I never meant to hurt you.” She took a ragged breath and let it out as if admitting that had cost her a lot.
I never meant to hurt her either, and it killed me that I had, but it happened and there was no way to rewind time and undo the damage. “You never answered my question the other day. Are you happy?”
Unable to meet my eyes, her gaze drifted to the window. “What do you want me to tell you?”
“The truth. Is it that hard to answer my question?”
“You tell me,” she challenged, her greens meeting my blues and it made me happy to see that I hadn’t completely destroyed her. She was still full of fire and sass. Still so fierce and defiant. “Are you happy, Jude?”
Turnabout is fair play. I couldn’t answer the question any more than she could.
“Run, Noah, run,” Lila shouted.
He looked over his shoulder to see if I was gaining on him. That was his downfall. He stumbled and fell to his knees, the Nerf football still clutched to his chest. I pretended that I couldn’t catch up. He was on his feet again, running and laughing. Should have known that Lila’s boy would be tough.