I said simply. ‘I want to get back to my life and begin making some changes, rather than just sitting here thinking about them.’
‘Would you like to share with me what those changes are going to be?’
‘Well, firstly, I’ll be clearing the booze from my apartment and deleting my dealer’s number,’ I joked.
‘Well, that’s a start. And?’
‘I’ll be meeting with my agent to work out a way to give me some free time. I’ve already arranged a meeting with my business manager to discuss my finances, because there’s other stuff I want to do.’
‘Such as?’
‘Help kids like Vanessa,’ I said. ‘And not just by giving money, but by maybe becoming a kind of spokesperson for them and getting involved in the fight against drugs.’
‘That sounds fantastic, Electra.’ Fi gave me a genuine smile. ‘Boy oh boy, do these kids need someone to fight for them. But just be careful that in the first few weeks especially, you don’t wear yourself out implementing all your new ideas. You need to spend time on yourself, like you have here: your morning run, daily AA meetings, at least for the first six months, good food, early nights . . . You’re in recovery too, Electra, and you can’t afford to forget that. You’re no good to anyone if you fall off the wagon. Do you have any vacations coming up?’
‘Yup, actually, I do,’ I said, then I explained to Fi about the planned reunion for all us sisters to sail on the Titan to the Greek islands to lay a wreath for Pa.
‘Spending time with your family is crucial,’ Fi agreed. ‘What about at home in New York? Do you have people there to support you?’
‘Mariam, the PA I’ve told you about, and my grandmother, Stella. I didn’t get round to telling you much about her, but I know she will be there for me.’
‘Okay, well, don’t be afraid to call on them, and Maia of course, who has been so concerned for you. I’ll be emailing her and your assistant a list of local AA meetings, plus the names of a couple of good therapists I know in New York. You can’t forget that you need other people, Electra, and to trust them.’
‘I won’t, but I also want to be there for Vanessa,’ I added.
‘Well, that’s a good thing, but the stronger you are, the more you can help her.’
‘She needs me,’ I said, ‘and besides, seeing what I did last night was, like, the most powerful reality check I could ever have.’
‘True,’ Fi agreed. ‘Is the fact you feel she needs you a good feeling?’
‘Yeah, I guess it is.’ I watched Fi’s eyes glance up to the clock and knew my time was up. ‘Listen, Fi, before I go, I just want to say sorry if I was difficult to begin with, but thanks for everything. You – this – has been amazing. It’s changed my life.’
‘Don’t thank me,’ she said as we both stood up, ‘you’ve done it all by yourself. Good luck, Electra,’ she said, then opened her arms wide and gave me a hug. ‘Keep in touch, won’t you? Let me know how you’re getting on.’
‘I will, yes.’ I walked towards the door, then turned back and smiled at her. ‘I never thought I’d say this, Fi, but I’m sure gonna miss you. Bye now.’
That evening, I spotted Miles in the canteen.
‘How is she?’ I asked him, setting down my tray opposite his.
‘Scared, negative . . . pretty much like she was when you left this morning,’ he said.
‘What did the psych team say?’
‘The shrink said he knows a good place in Long Island that specialises in dealing with kids like Vanessa. I’ve already contacted her social worker and I’m going to talk to Vanessa’s probation officer as well.’
‘She has a probation officer?’
‘Yeah. Her social worker told me earlier that she’s been in and out of foster homes since her mother died, then, at sixteen, she disappeared off the radar until she was arrested for soliciting in Harlem. She only got a caution, but she was classified as a delinquent, which means that up until a few months ago when she turned eighteen she had a “team” that monitored her. Ida – the social worker – is gonna put things in motion fast and if the court grants an extension until Vanessa’s twenty-one, she can then make the right calls to get her onto this programme the shrink has recommended. And then she’ll get the welfare she’s due