I wasn’t up for any kind of conversation with him right now.
‘Hello, Electra,’ said Lizzie. ‘You look tense. What’s up?’
‘Oh, nothing. In fact, everything’s gonna be good. You?’
‘Not so good actually,’ Lizzie sighed as she toyed with a cherry tomato.
‘Why?’
‘I just saw Fi and’ – Lizzie swallowed hard as tears came to her eyes – ‘she says it’s time for me to leave. We’ve discussed how my overeating habit stems from trying to compensate for things I feel are missing in my life, but she thinks that I need to get back into the real world.’
‘Okay. Isn’t that good news?’
‘Not really, no. I mean, like you and everyone else in here, I’ll be okay for a few weeks, then something will happen and I’ll be in back in my local bakery, bulk-buying doughnuts and double-chocolate-chip muffins for my binges.’
‘Oh Lizzie, it’s not like you to be negative,’ I soothed her. ‘Surely you’re looking forward to showing Chris how amazing you look?’
‘Electra,’ she said quietly, ‘we both know I don’t. I’ve botched my face with all the surgery I’ve had – I look like a horror show! Why did I do it? All for him! And where is he now? Probably in bed with one of his little whores!’
Lizzie was shouting now and the room had gone quiet around us. Clattering her fork onto the plate, she stood up and ran out of the canteen.
I sat there in a quandary, at a loss as to whether I should go after her or whether she wanted to be alone. After a few seconds, I decided I should do the former; it would show her I cared, even if she sent me away. I tried our dorm first, but only saw Vanessa slouched on her bed with her headphones in, so then I set off at a run around the gardens, knowing that Lizzie’s propensity for stilettoes would mean she couldn’t have got far. I eventually found her in a hidden corner of the Serenity Garden, crying her eyes out behind an enormous cactus.
‘Lizzie, it’s me, Electra. Can I sit down?’
She shrugged and I decided to take that as a yes. I didn’t have a clue what to say – I was only just beginning to learn about comforting others (which was something else that I needed to put on my ever-growing list of things to talk to Fi about). So I just reached for her hand and held it until the sobs turned into hiccups. Her face looked as if it was collapsing as all her carefully applied make-up dribbled downwards with the wetness of her tears. I took off my hoodie and handed her the sleeve to wipe it with.
‘Thanks, Electra,’ she sniffed. ‘You’re a lovely person.’
‘I don’t think I am, but thanks for saying so.’
‘Oh, you are,’ she said as she blew her nose and looked up at me with a small sorrowful smile. ‘I bet I must look a right state, don’t I?’
‘A bit,’ I answered honestly, ‘but we all do after we’ve bawled our eyes out.’
‘The truth is, I’m just dreading going back to that great empty mausoleum of a house. Cooking Chris’s supper, then getting the phone call at ten to say he’ll be late and I’m not to wait up for him. Then by the time I’m awake in the morning, he’s gone – we have separate bedrooms, you see. I’ve learnt it’s possible to live under the same roof as someone and never see them from one week to the next.’
None of what she was saying came as a surprise to me.
‘Um, Lizzie?’
‘Yes?’
‘Have you ever thought about, well, divorcing him?’
‘Yes, of course I have. And more to the point, he’s thought about divorcing me, but under California law, I get half of everything he has and he’s far too greedy to ever go for that. So I’m trapped in this sham marriage and . . . even though I know about his endless affairs, what hurts the most is the fact he’s ashamed of me, Electra. Ashamed of his own wife! And I still bloody love him!’
‘Are you sure? I mean, I’m no expert on anything much, but I did do therapy in New York when a relationship ended. The therapist asked me if I actually liked the guy and I said no, I hated him, but I loved him too. The therapist pointed out that I was in a co-dependent relationship.’
‘Oh sweetie, I’ve been through the whole nine yards and more with therapists over