for bed, knowing I’d be sleeping with him soon. I loved everything about it—dressing for bed, sliding under the covers, him crawling in beside me as he switched the lights off. Then he would pull me into his arms, and if I woke during the night, he was still beside me.
I stared at myself in the mirror.
That girl was alive. She was glowing, and there was happiness in her eyes.
I almost didn’t recognize myself.
I knew some people would be upset that Blaise and I were sleeping together, but those people didn’t get it. They didn’t understand how much we’d already been through, suffered. This was a moment in time for us—or for me at least.
A blip in my life when I wasn’t alone, when I had a partner with me.
I didn’t know how long it would last.
I didn’t know if it would last, but I’d been alone before Blaise. There’d probably be a time when I would be lonely after him, so I was going to focus on the now. I wasn’t going to think about what others would approve or disapprove of. They must have had great lives if they had time to judge mine. And good for them, but that wasn’t my reality.
I just wanted to be with him. That was it. And if that brought heartache, I’d survive.
Blaise was my respite. And I hoped, beyond hoped, that this didn’t end up being only a small blip in my life, but that was worry for the future.
For now, I got ready for bed and smiled as I felt the excited butterflies in my stomach. They were always there when Blaise was around, or even if I thought of him, and that was a good sign.
That told me I was living. I wanted to do more of that.
I slid under his covers and waited.
41
Blaise
This wasn’t a good idea.
Why had I thought I’d hold back at my place when hers was becoming like torture to me? I was an idiot.
She was settled over me, her mouth moving on mine, riding me. Goddamn.
I loved this feeling. I loved this girl.
She could ask me for almost anything, and I’d try to make it happen—anything to make her happy. But I’d been holding back from sliding inside of her. It’d been a looong fucking two weeks. I was nearing the end of my control, though.
What had I been thinking? That the idea of my mom and Stephen upstairs would help me hold back? Yeah. Nothing was helping my restraint, and Aspen was on a mission. Like I hadn’t known what she wanted when she straddled me at the drive-in. She’d been working to get my dick in her.
Shit.
Such a fucking crass way to think of it when it was the girl I loved, but at this moment that was all I could think: Dick. Inside. Her.
Now.
Those four words, and in that order.
I almost gasped as she pulled her mouth away from me, sliding down my body. “What are you doing?”
We’d been making out for two hours straight. Two long and intensely pleasurable hours, but I was going to blow. I didn’t want her mouth on me when that happened. That was for later, when she was older. Jesus. She’d been a virgin, and I’d thrust inside, almost unable to hold back and be gentle. I’d been shaking from the effort, but I never wanted to hurt Aspen. Ever.
Her mouth was on my stomach now, and she pulled my boxer briefs down. That wasn’t helping me.
“Oh, whoa, Aspen.” I reached for her.
“No.” She actually batted my hands away.
“What?”
She ignored me, and oh God, my dick was out. She touched me.
I almost seized, my head throwing back.
Holy fuck. That felt so good. Insanely good.
This wasn’t—her mouth closed over me, and I was gone.
Helpless.
She could’ve asked for my bank information, and I’d have given her the password.
Hell. Hell. Hell.
Oh man.
She sucked like she’d been sucking me all my life.
Whoa. Shit. I wasn’t going to last long—not like this.
Growling, I sat up and yanked her away. Her mouth popped off in surprise, her eyes wide, but then she saw what I was doing.
She was clean. I was clean. She was on birth control. We’d had a long conversation about that. I wanted to make sure everything was fine with her, but this time, condoms weren’t even a thought for me.
I moved her over me, and she opened her legs.
I pulled her down and sheathed inside of her in one continuous motion.
We both froze at the contact.
And then,