me away?”
He stepped back.
“When are you going to decide you don’t want my love in your life?”
Because that’s what he was doing with his family—with all of this.
His jaw clenched.
I’d pushed his button. “There it is. You don’t like what I’m saying.”
His eyes cooled. “Didn’t take you for a dick.”
I raised my head, not allowing him to look down on me. I watched him the way he’d watched that Gambin guy at Zeke’s party, only he’d done it sitting down, with me on his lap. He did it like a professional.
I was so out of my league. I shook my head, easing away from him. “What am I doing?”
“What are you talking about?” he asked.
We’d just switched roles. I’d been on offense, and I’d intended to see it through. He was worth it. So what was I doing now? Backing away? Running off? I flinched, hearing Blaise’s own words in my head, “You running?”
Probably. Because that’s what I did. I didn’t stand and fight.
Concern colored Blaise’s expression.
“You care about me,” I said.
His head tilted. “Yeah. I thought I’d made that pretty clear to you.” His eyes darkened. “Is that what this is about? You don’t know how much I care about you?”
Yes.
But no.
My chest hurt. My skin felt stretched.
I felt a storm coming. My pulse sped up.
A panic attack was imminent.
He couldn’t see me like that.
“He’s seen you like that already.”
Really?! I sucked in my breath. Now I heard Owen’s voice?
I could hear my brother laugh. “You didn’t really need me before. Don’t run. You chose him. No more running.”
I’m not going camping anymore, I decided then and there.
He just laughed.
“Aspen?”
Right. Blaise was here. He was alive. He wasn’t a voice in my head.
I could be so crazy sometimes, so what the hell? Owen was right. I’d chosen him. I needed to commit, so here goes nothing—or everything.
“Owen wasn’t my twin,” I said.
Those words were not what he’d been expecting. I read it on his face. His mouth went flat, but he didn’t say anything.
“But everyone thought he was,” I continued.
My chest tightened again, like something was sitting heavy on my throat. I had to push through it, ignore it. That was my panic rising.
I coughed and plunged forward. “I’m smart. I don’t know if I told you.”
He nodded slowly. He was listening. He was with me.
“Like, I’m almost genius-level smart.”
“He doesn’t respect modesty. Be bold.”
Fuck off, Owen!
“Be proud.”
I sucked in my breath, feeling tears rising. Damn. He always used to do that to me.
“I am genius-level smart. Like, they wanted me to skip a grade.” I winced. “Or two.” Then I hurried. “But I didn’t let them. I mean, I went up one grade…” I wasn’t explaining any of this the right way.
So not a genius.
I tried to backtrack. “Here’s the thing, I’m young.”
His eyes clouded over. “How young?”
“I turned seventeen three weeks ago.”
I was a sixteen-year-old senior. Har har. Laugh at the little genius girl. Now let’s all throw popcorn at her so she can break down and we can feel better about ourselves.
I braced myself—it was always the same response. Always.
But nothing came.
I’d even closed my eyes, preparing myself. For nothing.
I opened them and Blaise was just staring at me, except the clouds weren’t in his eyes any more. They were all over his face. He was almost glaring. I hadn’t expected that reaction. Though, maybe I should’ve? We did have sex. Were you supposed to explain all your hidden secrets before climbing into bed with each other? Probably.
I was going to suck as an adult. I couldn’t even get this teenager stuff right, and I only had one year left. Well, not really. I was off to college. That was adulthood. Kinda.
“That’s why you don’t have friends?”
“What?” I squeaked out.
His face was livid. I thought I was reading that right, but his tone was tender. “You don’t have friends, Aspen. We’ve talked about this. I knew you didn’t know anyone at school, but I thought there’d be someone. Old friends from your last school. A cousin maybe? There’s been no one.”
Crap.
So many craps.
“I…” had no idea what I was doing anymore. What was the point of me starting this? “I thought I had friends.” Then Owen died. “I realized I didn’t later.”
“What happened?” Blaise was quiet a moment. “Where are your parents?”
God.
Right there. He’d dug right in, right to the bone.
My throat burned.
I didn’t answer.
“They aren’t here. We’re graduating in two days. Where are your parents?” He spoke so softly, so kindly.
I hated it.
Fine. Let’s do