turn time backwards? Could I take that back?
“I’m sorry.”
She shook her head.
I’d fucked up. Big time.
“I already knew,” Nate said.
“I’ve always been like this.” She turned to him. “It’s why they moved me up a year. You left, and I was having… I don’t actually think it was about how smart I was.” She looked away, hugging herself. She looked like she wanted to disappear. “They moved me up a year so I’d have Owen.”
Nate coughed, his voice sounding strained. “Aspen. I didn’t know.”
She lifted a shoulder. “To be blunt, it wasn’t your problem. It was Mom and Dad’s.” She bit out an ugly laugh. “It was my problem. No one else’s. I should’ve… I should’ve dealt with it a long time ago.” She rocked back and forth, biting her lip.
I recognized that look.
“Tell him about after,” I said.
Her shoulders went rigid, and she shook her head. “Don’t, Blaise. Don’t push that.” She swung back to me, and I could see a ghost in her eyes. “I lost my parents. I lost my older brother. I lost my best friend. I’ve lost everyone in my life. What can you say about that? You’ve got people in your life. You lost an abuser, but you gained two siblings. You gained a new father. Do you know how many times I’d die for that chance again? To have Owen back?” She wiped away a tear. “You have no idea, and you keep pushing them away. Stop. I’ve cyberstalked your brother and sister. They’re both really cool people. I met him, and he was kind to me. There aren’t a lot of kind people out there.”
Yeah.
I knew.
Because I wasn’t one of them.
Pain radiated through me, and I couldn’t do a damn thing to take away hers. Nothing. I was fucking helpless as I watched the girl I loved cry in front of me. And some of that pain was my fault.
Love.
Shit.
Yes. Love. Loved. I loved this girl.
Mine.
“Aspen.”
“Stop.” She turned away. “I’m good for the day. I know you probably have parties you want to go to—”
“Don’t do that.” I moved toward her.
“Watch it,” Nate said.
I ignored him, standing right behind her.
“Aspen.”
She wouldn’t look at me.
“I’m sorry I spoke about you to your brother. I know it doesn’t mean much, but it’s because I care. It’s because…” My chest was so tight. She still wasn’t looking at me.
I dropped it.
I didn’t want to tell her when she was like this, when she was hurting. Those words weren’t meant to put a Band-Aid over a wound. They were more. They meant more to me.
She meant more to me.
This girl, who was curled in on herself and looking like she wanted the world to swallow her whole, had the power to gut me. One look from her. One touch from her. One word from her, and I could be on top of the world or ready to dive into hell—all for her and all because of her.
“Hey.” Her brother straightened from the counter. “Let’s, um, let’s table this for now. Your name is Blaise?”
I jerked my head up. “Yeah.”
He looked suddenly tired, and he ran a hand over his face. “If you don’t mind, could I have some time with my sister?” He watched her a moment. “It seems like we have a lot to discuss, things I need to make amends for.”
Aspen’s head fell.
I wanted to take her in my arms.
I wanted to take her away from here, back upstairs, somewhere private. I wanted to kiss her, make her feel good, but fuck—I’d felt helpless before. There’d been a lot of dark times, and this was one of them. And I should’ve had the words to make it better. I didn’t.
When Aspen didn’t say anything, I went to her.
“I got things I want to say to you too.”
She drew in a breath, her teeth clenched.
I pulled her close and pressed a kiss to her forehead.
My chest was full, tight. There was something I wanted to say, but I didn’t. I didn’t know if I could.
I left.
37
Aspen
“Nice guy.” Nate grinned at me. “He’s got a bright future ahead of him.”
I swore at him. “Like you were any better?”
He let out a sputtering laugh. “I think I just met myself.”
I shrugged. “He’s got reason to have that attitude.” I moved around the kitchen island, pulling out a mug. Nate stepped aside so I could pour some coffee. “You had attitude too. Remember that?”
He eyed me, taking a sip of his coffee. “How old were you then? How