expects from me. Surprise is etched on his stern face, and his tail flicks back and forth with irritation. "You know what I refer to."
"I do." I find it amusing he will not say it, as if it will shame his tongue to admit it. "And I have decided I do not care." When all three of them stare at me in shock, I continue. "I did not pass the proving, this is true. But I have hunted and fished and tracked for years now. I found R'ven based on a scent trail. I provide food for the camp and contribute every day. Our old rules stated that I am not worthy until I pass the proving, but I think they are wrong. There is no proving to pass anymore, so how can I be held to it?"
I'rec begins to pace, his entire body one taut line of irritation. "So you will just discard the rules of our ancestors because they do not suit you? Do you wish to count yourself as Strong Arm, then? Or Tall Horn? Because the old rules no longer suit?"
I roll my eyes at his dramatic statements. "Of course not. But I am also tired of not being enough. Not being worthy. I am not going to spend my days with no mate, hiding my secret shame because there are no proving grounds for me to conquer. R'ven has my heart, and I have hers. It does not matter if we resonate or not. I am going to be with her…and if it bothers you, then you should take up the spear and assign me a proving quest. You know I will pass it."
I'rec stops in his frenzied pacing and studies me. He rubs his chin fur, thinking. "Perhaps you are right. A new proving quest that only the four of us know about. You can do it, and return, and the other clans need not be any wiser."
O'jek nods. "It is a good plan."
Once, I would have agreed with them, but now I just find the clan rivalry tiresome. I think of Juth, and his small son Pak, and how hard they have been working to survive. How they must have struggled every day in this strange, cold new world with no fire and no clan to lean on…and this after the first death of the Great Smoking Mountain. No one ever thought to see if outcast clan survived. We assumed they were all dead, but they must have gone on for a while, because Pak is young enough to be born several turns of the seasons after the first death of the mountain. And yet, through all of this, Juth has survived.
The clan rivalries feel very small and petty in comparison.
"A new proving," I'rec murmurs. He pounds a fist against his flattened palm. "Yes, I like this. We will meet in the morning and begin the ceremony—"
I hold up a hand. "Not tomorrow. It will have to be the day after." When I'rec gives me an incredulous look, I continue. "There are promises I have made that must be kept first, and I will take care of R'ven when she wakes up. She…" I stop myself before I say more. They are R'ven's secrets to keep or to share. "She has things she wishes to speak to the whole tribe about, and I will be there to support her. There is a lot to speak of." It is not just her past, but Juth and Pak, too.
"Then the day after," I'rec declares. "But we must do it soon." He points a finger at me. "And we will not make it easy on you. No proving is ever easy."
I nod. "I will await my challenge eagerly." And it is true. I am very, very ready to take it on. I want to get it done with, because I am tired of wearing my failure like a cloak. I am tired of it being present in the back of my mind all the time. I want it to be over and done with, because I want to be with R'ven. I do not want anyone to ever hint that I do not deserve to be with her, or her with me.
And if they do not like that we are together…I am not sure I care. The thought is freeing.
21
RAVEN
I wake up slowly, surrounded by warmth and plush fur blankets. Against my back, there's a big, equally warm body, and I feel delicious. My skin is