minute, leaving me alone with my thoughts. My head was too busy and too tangled to make small talk. On the one hand, I was thrilled. I’d had sex! I was in love! I was different and my cheeks had been blushing for eight hours straight to prove it. I’d catch glimpses of myself in mirrors and place a hand on my new face. I was warm and glowing. At the same time, guilt and shame washed over me in waves, sending acid to my stomach. All I wanted to do was steal Liz away so that I could tell her everything, and she could both celebrate with me and reassure me that I wasn’t a terrible person, that what I’d done was understandable and okay, that Jules would come around and be happy for me.
I could feel the late afternoon sun burning my arms as I listened to Gavin and Liz gather plates, forks, and glasses for the iced tea for my mini birthday party.
“You look like one conflicted birthday girl,” George said as he walked up the porch steps. He was finally off of his crutches and was carrying something in his hand. It was wrapped in newspaper.
“I have a lot on my mind,” I said, forcing a smile.
“I can see that.” He put the newspaper-wrapped item in front of me. “Here. This is for you. Open it.”
“Wow, thanks, George.” I hadn’t expected a gift from him. I smiled when I saw the Apple logo on the box. “Oh my god, George, is this the new iPad?” It was the one that just came out. “Wow! Are you sure?”
“Yes.” George put his elbow on the table and rested his hand in his palm. He smiled. “Do you like it?”
“I love it! This is so nice.”
“You’ve been a great intern. I couldn’t have done it without you. It’s the least I can do.” He tapped out a beat on the table.
“It’s so cool.” I took it out of its box. “Thank you so much.”
“And check this out,” he said, motioning for me to hand it to him. He showed me a voice-recording app. “I don’t know if working with me this summer will have any influence on you, but just in case, I figure you should be prepared. You never know when you might find yourself in the middle of a great story. They’re happening all the time, and now you can record them.” He nodded at someone inside and put an arm on my shoulder. “Now, cover your ears, Thompson, I don’t want to hurt you with my singing voice.”
“Happy birthday to you…” George started as Gavin carried a dark chocolate cake decorated with a wreath of sugary violets and topped with eighteen sparkling candles out to the patio. Liz followed with a pitcher of iced tea topped with lemon slices, and Shane carried a tray of glasses, forks, and the nice, gold-rimmed china plates.
“Happy birthday to Cricket,” they all sang. “Happy birthday to you!”
As I was blowing out the candles, I wished for two things at once.
Liz shrieked. She was looking at the newspaper the iPad was wrapped in that I’d left on the table. It was The Inquirer and Mirror, the local Nantucket paper. “Cricket, it’s you!” she said, pointing at the cover photograph. “It’s you in your green dress with your secret boyfriend.” It was a big picture of Jay and me, kissing on Main Street. The headline read: “Young Love Blooms in the Perfect Summer Weather.” She laughed. “I guess he’s not your secret boyfriend anymore!”
Thirty-nine
ZACK HAD TO HAVE SEEN THE PAPER. It was everywhere on this island. The Inquirer and Mirror, with Jay’s and my picture on the front page, would not go unnoticed, not in a million years.
After the birthday party, after I’d forced myself to eat a piece of cake and smile and thank everybody for celebrating with me, I decided to go for a run. Liz had made pointed eye contact with me throughout the party. She kept pinching my thigh and asking me if I felt different. I’d managed to nod and give her a thumbs-up and even laugh a little, but it had taken all of my strength.
I didn’t want to talk to her about what had happened anymore. I didn’t even want to try to get her on my side. I wasn’t even on my side. Why would she be? What I had done to Jules, losing my virginity to her little brother only a few months