all I can think is…your life is not over Sara, what if I’m the love of your life, not Jeffery? Maybe Emily and Jeffery and every other bloody mistake were just an obstacle, a test, a trial, an ordeal we needed to conquer to find one another. Twenty-four hours ago, I thought my mission in life was to break apart a marriage to find happiness, and now my only purpose is to put a broken ballerina back together.
I fancy showing her what she’s doing to me. I want her to know that my body is having a primal reaction to every word she gives me and every touch she bestows upon me. My words don’t mean anything to her because she’s accustomed to fibs and empty promises. I need to make her understand what’s been brewing inside me and that she is the cause of it all.
I realize I said no touching or kissing, but my rules are rubbish. I can’t not touch her; not touching her is not an option.
“I’m not planning to fuck, Sara,” I say as I see her roll her eyes and look away from me. She must think this is a rejection again, silly bird. “We won’t be fucking because that’s what ordinary people do. You and I are not ordinary. You, Sara, are extraordinary, and I’m not certain there is a word to describe our bond.”
She finally looks at me. How have I lived almost thirty years without these eyes looking at me?
“Will you allow me to love you? How do I make you believe that I won’t go anywhere? I just want to be near you.”
She closes her eyes as if in pain, as if what I’ve just said physically hurts her. “Thank you, Liam, but I won’t let you make love to me until you know everything. I don’t think you’ll look at me and feel the same way after I tell you the whole truth.”
“Nothing you can say will make me not want you. We didn’t meet by chance, we’ve been through hell trying to find each other. I wouldn’t feel what I’m feeling if this wasn’t predestined.” I can’t help but kiss her and she can’t prevent herself from kissing me back. I can be content closing my eyes, knowing I’m slowly drowning and erasing every other kiss I’ve ever had before. I’m no longer worried about fancying someone other than this perfect, broken ballerina in my arms.
“Liam, don’t…you don’t know what you’re saying! I wouldn’t wish someone like me on my worst enemy. Liars like me don’t deserve to be happy. Nobody chooses me; I’m not a good choice.”
Her words cleave me in two. He did this. He broke this perfect, beautiful creature. She thinks she’s not worth choosing! Punishing herself for telling lies to cover the hurt he caused. I can’t even make love to her until she comprehends how bloody flawless she is to me and that all her faults are what make her my Sara. How could she reckon being unworthy of love?
“I choose you, Sara Klein. I choose you now, and I know that I will choose you even more after I know everything about you. You’re right, you should keep going and let me hear about who you reckon is the love of your life,” I say, knowing that nothing she will say to me will make me question wanting to be with her.
“Tainted Love” by Soft Cell
Liam’s words and the way his eyes study me make me question every emotion I have ever experienced in my thirty years on this earth. How can a person I’ve known for less than a day compete with someone I’ve known and loved for over a decade?
And yet my heart doesn’t care. My heart believes every silly word that comes out of his beautiful mouth. My heart brawls with my head, fighting for my chance at happiness. Could this handsome stranger be my happiness? Have I suffered enough and earned him? Can a worthless human like me get a happily ever after?
Surely not after he learns the truth. Once he knows everything, he will just get up off this bed and this euphoric world of ours and leave me, never looking back.
People like me don’t get to live out their fantasies; liars like me get exactly what they deserve. I deserved to get my heart broken and ripped apart, and karma doesn’t disappoint, karma always delivers.
In a way, I wish he already knew everything and would just