excited to finally start dating one of my former clients, Danny, a super sweet guy with whom I’ve been texting back and forth for over a month. Today is the one-year anniversary of my eviction from Gavin’s place and thus a turning point in my life. I’m at a beautiful place right now and in a weird way, I have him to thank for kick starting me into a different lifestyle. I’ve finally stopped looking for someone to love me in order to validate my existence and I enjoy being on my own.
I talk to Jeffery once a week to find out how JJ are doing. He is where he belongs, with the woman and family he loves, and I will be okay one day. I don’t resent Jacqueline anymore, I respect her and thank her for being nurturing to the many people we love in common. I think she’s grateful to me in a fucked-up way for walking away and letting her keep her husband and children, and for not making a bad situation infinitely worse. I also, for the first time in my life, love my job and enjoy the people I work with. Eddie and Michelle promised to come spend New Year’s Eve with me and I may go back to visit my folks for Thanksgiving if my work schedule allows it.
I honestly can’t complain about a thing. Well, that’s a lie. I can complain about being possessed by a person I met for five minutes and know nothing about, but it wouldn’t do me any good. Time will heal everything, even my hopes to one day belong to Liam Knight. Emily brings him up all the time and I know they speak, which makes me extremely jealous, but this too shall pass. I know I shouldn’t care, but I’m proud of Liam for making amends with Louis. I wish him well; however, I try to ensure I never hear about who he’s with from Emily. I don’t need a reminder of what’s not mine. I told Em that I would prefer she not speak about him unless absolutely necessary because it hurts too much to pretend that I don’t care, and she understands. I did enough research about him and Isabella to know exactly which hotels his family owns in London and around the world, and I will do my darnedest to never step foot in any of them.
I have this recurring dream that he and I bump into each other on the street and when our eyes meet, I always wake up. I wonder if I enter his thoughts as much as he invades mine? I wonder who gets to call him Liam and if he fixes her hair constantly? When I’m weak and lonely, I let myself enjoy his memory for a few moments of bliss before I talk myself back to reality. I still can’t decide if it would’ve been better or worse if we’d actually had sex almost a year ago.
I’ve decided to treat myself to a special gift today. No one, not even Jeffery, has ever bought me a piece of jewelry, so I’ve elected to splurge and buy myself something ridiculously expensive and beautifully special to celebrate my emotional independence and for not telling a lie for a whole year. I’m proud of how far I’ve come and I’m okay with sharing these achievements with myself by myself. I decide to take the day off after lunch to find the perfect gift.
My career has completely and utterly monopolized all my free time this past year, which I’m thankful for, and this sporadic treat of walking the posh area of New Bond Street to find the perfect trinket for myself is a rarity. I wind up window-shopping in the most beautiful high-end jewelry stores in the world, trying to conceptualize what object would be the perfect symbol of my self-love and emotional emancipation. I pass Chopard and spy stunning watches and then I move over to Van Cleef & Arpels, with their beautiful Alhambra iconic flower pieces beckoning me. I decide to cross the street to window drool at the one and only Harry Winston, which is hands down every girl’s fantasy shop. I’m sure most women dream of getting a diamond rock presented in a Harry Winston box, and although I can finally say out loud what I’ve held inside for years, acknowledging that I want a happily ever after and for someone to put a ring on it is