sort of way. I must remember this is about her opening up and letting go of some of her sadness. I’ll try and be her pal for a few hours and then arrange to go back home—wherever I decide home bloody is!
My stupid fantasies ought to stop. If Emily truly wanted to see me, she would’ve found a way. I’ve been here for over a month waiting like a loon. Perhaps she truly reckoned it was Louis in her bed that night and not me. The thought makes my stomach churn. I felt more that night than I’d felt in my whole life. I had more chemistry with her than every woman I’ve ever known combined. On the other hand, she was pissed and did call out his name numerous times, but she felt perfect in my bloody arms. How could I have misread that? I get out of my head and forget that night to try and be present for Sara. I must stop thinking about Emily and think about Sara for now. She’s a lost sort and I suspect alone, emotionally at least.
“Tell me, Sara, tell me how you got here. I think if you’re honest and allow yourself to trust me, we can discuss what’s been troubling you and perhaps make it better before we talk about my predicament.”
She snorts out a laugh, which makes me smile and is probably the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard. Well, second sweetest thing I’ve ever heard, after Emily singing to me naked.
“Okay, but you have to promise to not feel troubled once you understand that nothing you can say or do will help make my problems better. And you have to promise not to hate me after you hear my sordid tale…I hate me enough.” She must think that she’s the only one with baggage. I know what it feels like when nothing or no one can fix your pain. It doesn’t matter how much money I’ve got, or who my parents are, I will never have a sister. I became an only child two years ago and I don’t suppose anyone can fix that kind of pain.
“I promise not to hate you and I will try to see things from your viewpoint. I’m sure you’re being much harder on yourself than you deserve.” I fail to restrain myself this time and fix that dark renegade lock that keeps falling into her eyes. She doesn’t say anything and lets me show her this small measure of affection. God, she’s lovely. I almost want to tuck her into me and tell her that everything is gonna be all right, one day. She’s not yours to touch. I can’t bloody wait to hear who it is this pretty broken bird actually belongs to.
“Total Eclipse Of The Heart” by Bonnie Tyler
I can’t do this, but I need to do this. I can’t just leave everything and everybody and disappear without anybody but Jeffery and I ever knowing the fucking truth. It would be unfair to tell Emily that everything she thinks she knows about her best friend is a fabricated lie. How selfish would I be if I piled all my shit on her? She has her own issues to figure out, her own crap to dig through. Hopefully, Liam will not be one of her problems. I mean, how could he? He really is a nice guy; I honestly believe he kinda sorta cares for her, in his own silly way. Emily will be okay without me, she’ll be better off, for fuck’s sake. What kind of friend am I if all I’ve ever done is lie to her about everything anyway? She has so many people that genuinely care about her, and most importantly, she has Louis and her kids. It hurts when I think about how much I lack in all aspects of my life compared to Em. Are my choices ever going to stop hurting me? Where is my happily ever after?
I take a look at this stranger who just crawled into bed with me, fully dressed. He is handsome and sexy and The Sara would have him naked and riding his cock by now, but this Sara is just happy to have someone who wants to listen. I feel a physical relief at the possibility of having another human to talk to that isn’t Jeffery Rossi. If I admit the truth to myself, Jeff and I haven’t really talked since I agreed to marry Gavin. When I left