that made a difference.
But still. She just felt sad. For all of them.
“Well, I’m here. I’m not dead in a ditch. Nothing’s wrong. But I do need to talk to you.”
“What do you need to talk to me about?”
“I’m moving out. Officially. I’m going to be living in the apartment above the bakery. I didn’t know if Rose mentioned it to you, or Pansy. But I did already talk to them a little bit about it.”
“You don’t have to move out,” he said.
“I know I don’t have to. I love being here. In that I love being with you. And Sammy. And Astrid. But you all have lives, and I don’t.”
“This is a life, Iris. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
“I’m not ashamed. I’m not. But I am ready. To figure out what else there is for me. And I don’t think that’s unfair.”
“Of course it’s not.”
“I’m just trying to figure things out. You know. My life.”
“Of course.”
“And that is going to include being out of cell phone range sometimes,” she said slowly.
“You met someone, I take it.”
She nodded. “I might have.”
“Your boss? Landlord? Whatever he is.”
“Griffin,” she said. “And... I guess. But I wouldn’t think of him primarily in that way.”
“Just tell me you’re being careful.” Which could mean a host of things, but he was choosing his wording very carefully, and so was she.
“You’re not going to have to give me away any time soon if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“That doesn’t worry me. If that’s what you want, I would love to do that. If it’s not what you want, then I won’t do it. Whatever you want to do.”
“I know that. I know that I always have your support.”
She stood there and stared at him, the brother who’d also been a father figure. Who she’d partnered with to try and keep the whole family sane when they had endured such an unimaginable loss. Their relationship would always be so heavy. There was no way around it. They’d been through too much. They would always care an awful lot about what the other was going through. Again, inevitable. They had just been through so damn much.
She sat down at the table across from him, suddenly feeling very small. “How long did it take you to figure out what you wanted to do with your life?”
“Until about a year ago,” he said.
She laughed. “Well, that’s not very comforting.”
“It’s true, though. Things came together when I married Sammy. Started coaching the football team again. Just brought some things back in my life that I had decided I didn’t get to have.”
“Because you threw everything into taking care of us.”
“Yes. But I know you did that too. And it’s going to take you a while, to sort through everything. And if this isn’t it, it’s going to come along. You don’t need to feel pressure to know exactly what you want.”
“I don’t, actually. I just kind of want to know that everything’s going to be okay. Because this is all a lot of big changes for me, and I feel a little bit overwhelmed by it. Because I forgot what it was like to have dreams. And when I finally did again, I got a little bit more than I bargained for. I’m trying to plan ahead, but I don’t know how to plan any of this.”
“Focus on the bakery,” he said. “I’m damn proud of you. It’s going to be amazing.”
“Thank you.”
“You all did good,” Ryder said. “And you have no idea how much that means. Because I was sad when Mom and Dad died. And I worried a hell of a lot for myself. But I just... Parents worry for their kids. Parents who are adults when they’re raising them. And I was just so conscious that I was nothing more than a kid trying to make sure you all did okay. Trying to make sure you got to the other side safely. You’re also much more amazing than I could’ve guessed you would be. And my life is a hell of a lot better that I thought it would be. And there’s been stuff. You know, like dealing with my relationship with Sammy. Logan and Rose...”
“Were you really mad when they got together?”
He shook his head. “No. I was mad when Logan nearly ruined it. They love each other. That’s so obvious.”
“It is,” she said. “You both make it look easy.”
Ryder laughed. “Not easy. I don’t know if you remember me growling around here like a bear