thunderclap, and a flash of lightning that had given her everything.
And then he had taken it away. And it was like the clouds had covered the sun again.
“Why?” she asked again, knowing that she sounded small, that she sounded sad, that her pride had been utterly demolished by that one question. And not knowing what she could do about it. Not even knowing she cared.
“I don’t know what you want,” he said. “But I’m not up to giving it to you. I’m not. I can’t.”
“I just want... I just want...”
“I don’t care what you had to say. Whatever you have to tell me. You don’t want some guy to fuck you and then walk out, do you? And that’s all I’ve got in me.”
That word felt like a slap. Hard and vulgar and unlike anything they’d been doing. He’d said it for that reason. To be hard. To be mean.
To prove his point.
“I wanted to be with you,” she said. “That’s as far ahead as I was thinking.”
“That’s the problem. It’s way too easy to only think that far ahead. But there’s life beyond the orgasm, Iris. It would be easy to lay you down here on the floor and have my way with you. You know how long it’s been?” His voice went rough, hard and intense. And his grip was iron on her. “You know how long it’s been since I’ve touched a woman? It would be the easiest damn thing in the world to take what you’re offering me. To take it and not feel an ounce of guilt. I could leave you satisfied. You’d call out my name more times than you’ve ever said it. And I want it.” He wrapped his arm around her then, one hand hard on her behind as he pressed her against his body. As he let her feel the evidence of his arousal. Shock mixed with desire, mingling with rage that stole over her.
“Please...”
“No. You feel that. I want you. You made me want you.” He sounded mystified. Angry.
And she had no idea what she’d done to incur his wrath. But then she hadn’t understood it the other day either. And that was the problem, wasn’t it?
She didn’t know him.
She thought maybe she could have sex with a relative stranger, because Pansy had done it. For all that it had ended up working out well for her, that was how it had started. And she made it sound like it was good and easy. But the problem was, he had trigger points, and she didn’t know what they were. She was watching them explode right now, and she didn’t understand what it meant.
She was wretched.
Wretched and filled with need, and he was only stoking the fire by holding her against his hard body.
Stoking it for both of them, while denying them.
“Let me go,” she said. “If you’re going to say no, then just...don’t touch me.”
He released his hold on her. And she stumbled back. “Look at this,” he said, his voice rough. “This is your first apartment. Your first job out of your house, owning your own business. You’re starting out. And I’m done. I’m just done,” he said roughly. “Don’t waste any time worrying about me.”
He turned and started to walk out of the room.
“What about my sink?”
He stopped, his shoulders going rigid. “Get a plumber.”
“But I...”
“Bill me,” he said.
“What are we going to do? About the rest of this?”
He turned to face her, and his expression was... It was terrifyingly bleak.
“We’re going to pretend this didn’t happen, because we’re still at the point where we can. I don’t think you understand, Iris. But this could turn into something that we can’t come back from. That we can’t fix. And then what’s going to happen to your business? What’s going to happen to our arrangement?”
She wanted to say that she didn’t care. But she realized that wasn’t true.
But this was like the first adult hurdle that she had to cross over. And she was on the verge of failing. Because she was pretty sure she would happily burn her dreams down to kiss him again. And what did that say about her? That she was on the verge of begging to be kissed?
When Elliott hadn’t wanted her, when he had wanted Rose instead, it had stung. But it had also been absurd. Because she hadn’t wanted him. And it had wounded her in strange and complicated ways, but she would never have begged him to pay attention to her.