he held her flush against his chest. Her hands were pinned there, and she could feel his heartbeat raging against her palms.
This was insanity.
Or maybe it was the first real thing either of them had done for a long time.
Because there was no forethought here. No decision to seduce. No decision to turn away. It was out of their hands. Swept along by the raindrops that fell from the sky. At the mercy of this torrent of desire rushing through them.
But wasn’t it better than being at the mercy of fear? The mercy of grief?
They both knew how that went. They both knew pain.
Why couldn’t they know this?
His hands slid down her back, and he let them wander down, all the way to her bottom. He cupped her, then lifted her up off the ground, urging her legs around his waist as he held her there in the rain, one hand cradling the back of her head as he took the kiss deeper. Harder.
She moaned into his mouth, letting everything they talked about wash away. Letting this cleanse them. For in this moment, maybe they were new. Maybe they were fresh creatures that had never known anything but this. This overwhelming sense that they needed each other more than they needed their next breath.
This was better.
Better than deciding to be with him, with all her nerves and insecurities jangling through her.
This was more than just wanting an experience. This was real.
They were real.
They were alive.
A hysterical bubble of laughter welled up in her chest, but he swallowed it with a voracious kiss.
She had lived.
To have this moment. With this man.
And all those years it had been so easy to hide away. To protect herself from loss, to protect herself from pain. But this was what life was for. To kiss a man in the rain, and to revel in it. And everything they could be. Whatever happened after this, it didn’t matter. Because now was perfect.
She was sorry, so sorry about the journey he’d had to go on to get here.
But he was her reward.
This felt inevitable, and right, and like it was what she’d waited for.
He carried her up the steps, her legs still wrapped around his waist, and pushed open the door. They all but stumbled inside. He stripped her wet T-shirt up over her head so that she was only wearing her bra. She was frantic to see more of him. To touch him everywhere. And so she did. Moved her hands over that broad, well-muscled chest, down his stomach.
Watched as drops of water rolled between his perfectly outlined ab muscles.
Desire swept through her like a wind. Stole the air right out of her lungs. Carried it off somewhere. And she didn’t even care.
Kissing her still, he backed her toward the bed, and lowered her down, his body slick over the top of hers. When he undid the snap on her jeans, her breath caught. But he lowered the zipper slowly, and then worked the denim down her damp legs as best he could. He was kissing her still, like a man possessed. Desperate. She was sure she must look like a drowned rat, but she never felt more beautiful. Because he was beautiful. And he wanted her. In this moment, he wanted her.
With trembling fingers, she undid the button on his jeans, dragged the zipper down, but she was too clumsy to divest him of the damp denim. She cursed, which was something she almost never did.
“I got it,” he said, his words slurred. He pushed his jeans and his underwear down, kicked his boots off along with them, and his socks. He was naked.
But he pulled her back up against his body so quickly she barely had the chance to see. But she could feel him. Hard and bare and hot pressed against her hip.
He reached around her back and unclipped her bra, tugging it off and exposing her. His hands were rough as he palmed her sensitive flesh. Her breasts were impossibly needy for his attention. And in another set of circumstances she might have been embarrassed. But not with him. Not now. There was no embarrassment at all. Nothing but a deep, intense desire. To give pleasure. To receive it.
For they were held in thrall by this equally, and she couldn’t be embarrassed about that.
He kissed her neck, her collarbone, drew one nipple deep into his mouth, and she gasped.
Her mind was blank of everything. Potential expectation, everything she’d ever known about herself.
She