had made their choices. They couldn’t simply blame genetics. No matter how convenient that might be for them. They had to take responsibility for their actions. The same as she had to own the fact that her life had turned out good in part because of herself. It wasn’t just because of Dylan. But there was a part of her that...
She sighed. It was one thirty in the morning. That was normal for her. She had decided to go ahead and make Laz a hamburger when he came home. So she had everything prepared, but she didn’t want to start it too early.
Not that he couldn’t have had a hamburger at the bar. Maybe you wouldn’t want the same kind of thing he could have had there at home.
She stood there questioning herself until she saw headlights.
They always met in this space. In these strange hours. When her mind started to fray and she was desperate to avoid sleep.
She blinked.
Was she desperate to avoid sleep? Had she just been avoiding it in Dylan’s bed?
And dreams.
The dreams that she found so disturbing.
Of a different life. Completely different. She swallowed hard.
She heard heavy footsteps outside, and then the front door opened. “You want a hamburger?” she asked.
“Hello to you too,” he said.
“Sorry. It’s just... It occurred to me that you could have had one at the bar.”
“Sure. I eat at the bar sometimes, but generally don’t. But it’s not because I don’t like hamburgers.”
“Why?”
“I mean I did at first. But I get sick of... Even the way the oil tastes. Just a little bit too much work.”
“I guess that makes sense. I’ll make the hamburgers then.”
“Did you wait to eat?”
“Yeah. I mean... My body clock is basically screwed for life. So there’s no point me being precious about mealtimes.”
She walked over to the stove and put the premade patties on the cast-iron griddle that attached to the propane burners.
“How was work?”
“Good,” he said, having a seat at the table. “How was here?”
“Great.”
“The place looks amazing.”
“You’re pretty neat. I just did some deep cleaning.”
“I can tell. It feels lighter.”
“Good.”
She didn’t know why this should be awkward. Well, except that they had never done this. With her making things for him.
But she had to wonder if anybody ever made things for Laz. His grandmother had. She knew that. She knew that she had been a firm woman, but that Laz had loved her more than anything.
He didn’t really talk about his parents. Something they had in common.
“Do you ever speak to your parents?”
He looked up at her, his brow crinkled. “I talk to them once a week.”
“Oh. I just... You never talk about them.”
“Well. I... I don’t really like Portland. So I don’t ever have the desire to go back and visit. I do, a couple times a year. But it has to fit around their schedules. They’re busy. They’ve always been busy.”
“Oh. I guess I didn’t... I didn’t realize that.”
“My dad is a doctor. My mom is a lawyer. They’re very business-oriented. They’re very...invested in their careers. That’s fine. But there’s a reason that I came out here when I was seventeen. When Grandma Gladys said that she needed help... I jumped at the chance. To get out of the city, to get out of my house.”
“I didn’t know that you left home at seventeen.”
He nodded slowly. “I mean, I had my grandmother. So it’s not quite the same.”
“Yeah. I was sixteen when my parents kicked me out.”
“You never did tell me why.”
“Throwing out their heroin.”
Surprise flashed through his eyes and she couldn’t decide if she was sad that he now knew just how bad everything had been when she was growing up, or gratified that she had managed to shock him.
It was all just so sordid and sad. And it had been one thing to tell him her parents had addiction issues, and another to connect it to what had happened. Because even now she wanted to...protect them in some ways.
It was so toxic and messed up, and she knew it. But it was one thing to know you had some issues, another to just not have them.
And on some level she just hadn’t wanted Laz to have too clear a picture of her life back then. She wanted him to see who she was now. To not have all that in his head.
“Well, I didn’t figure that.”
She laughed, trying to shift the sadness in her chest. “Did you think that I was rebellious? Especially with a guy like Dylan.”
“I don’t know.