get outside, I hadn’t bothered to lace them.
He frowned at the exposed skin of my arms. “Aren’t you cold?”
“A little.” I wrapped my arms around my stomach.
The wood frame of the door groaned as he leaned against it. “Leena…”
“It’s fine.”
“No, it’s not.” He pushed away from the wall and walked toward me, halting just barely out of reach. “You’re right. I should’ve told you sooner. I’m sorry.”
“Do you trust me?” I held my hand out to him, hoping he’d take it. Praying that he believed he could confide in me.
Noc was silent for a beat, and then suddenly he was there, wrapping me in a hug that lifted my feet off the ground. “Leena, I trust you with my life.” He buried his nose in my neck and shuddered. “This oath… It’s not an excuse, but it’s making it hard to focus. I’m so terrified I’ll slip up. I’ll lose myself and hurt you somehow. I’m doing whatever I can to protect you so that won’t happen. Do you understand?”
I pulled his chin up so I could meet his faraway gaze. “I understand. But, Noc, remember you’re not in this alone. The more we know, the more we can help.” He pressed his eyes shut, and I placed gentle kisses over his lids. He’d lived with his curse for so long that sharing thoughts, feelings, didn’t come easy. For him, it was simpler to protect. To put himself in the line of fire instead of possibly jeopardizing someone else. And while I understood that, I didn’t like it. We were together. A team.
Slowly, I brought my lips to his. The ache in my chest lessened, and I melted into him.
He set me down but kept me pressed flush to his body. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you everything sooner. I just… Information like this is dangerous. If no one has it, they’re less likely to be targeted. But even so, I know I shouldn’t keep you in the dark.”
“I’m not used to it like you are,” I joked, but his answering smile was forced. “Besides, this doesn’t change who you are to me.”
He grimaced. “I need you to understand how dangerous this is. How dangerous I am.”
I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. “I remember the first time you told me that. At first, I didn’t believe you, and then I did. And what do you know, I still believe you.” Standing on my toes, I ran a hand down the side of his face. “But I don’t believe you’re dangerous for me. I believe you’re dangerous to those who would hurt the ones you love.”
“Leena, you could die.” His gaze was so heavy I had to fall back to the flats of my feet. “Varek would do anything to keep his claim to the throne. He’d find out about you, and he’d use that against me. If something were to happen… I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”
Whether it was the morning chill or his words, I didn’t know. But I shivered just the same and pulled him closer. “Then we won’t let him find out. Ever.”
“No one can know. Do you trust Gaige? Will he tell someone about me?”
“I want to. I don’t think he would do anything to intentionally hurt us. Once we’re done with this beast hunt, we’ll talk to him. Okay?”
Noc’s jaw went taut, but he nodded.
I couldn’t stand the way he slipped back into his old frozen self, so I ran an absent hand across his chest and offered him a sly grin. “Should I call you Aleksander?”
His chuckle thrummed through my fingertips. “Please, don’t.”
“Good. I like Noc better, anyway.” I smiled up at him. “Everything is going to be fine. I promise.” For effect, I channeled some of my power to my hand, allowing rosewood light to claim the space around us. “I can protect you too.”
The rightness of that statement warmed me to my core. Charmers never used their beasts to outright attack humans, but if it meant defending my family, the people I loved, then I knew my beloved beasts would come to my aid. Hireath. Cruor. Noc. I would defend them all with my dying breath.
Noc sighed and trailed a light finger along my Charmer’s emblem. “You don’t know what I see when you’re not around.”
“What do you mean?” A tremor raced through my hand, and he clasped it tight.
“Just things…people…from my past. It’s Cruor’s oath trying to force my hand.”
“Amira?”
He nodded. “And Bowen. Two people my curse claimed.”