took my sweet time getting my bag out of the car, bracing myself for the torment that was sure to come with a longer walk inside.
“IS THAT GINGER’S CAR?” Zara yelled, looking like a movie star getting out of her Rolls-Royce from a spot closer to the front.
I smiled at her and the big scene she was making in front of everyone. “Will you keep it down?” I yelled.
But she continued her act. “I DO SAY, THAT IS GINGER’S CAR. LAWD, SHE’S FREE.” She grabbed a freshman walking by and shook their shoulders. “SHE’S FREE. PRAISE THE LAWD SHE’S FREE.”
My cheeks were getting redder by the second. “I don’t know her,” I said loudly.
She laughed and came to hug me, but I kept one hand up over my face.
“Excuse me,” I said, “do I know you?”
“Of course.” She continued laughing and walked with me toward the school. “Parents finally gave in?”
I nodded and told her all about it on the way to our usual meeting spot by the lockers. But I saved the worst part for last, when all of my friends could hear me. “I called Ray last night.”
Each of my friends had some version of a shocked expression on their faces, and Rory actually gasped.
“What happened?” she asked.
Feeling my eyes sting, I shook my head. “He said he didn’t want to be with me.”
Zara shook her head. “Boy doesn’t know what he’s missing out on.”
“Exactly,” Jordan said. “You need a man, not a child who’s going to run away scared.”
“I wish I could be mad, but I can’t,” I admitted. “I’d probably do the same thing.”
“No, you wouldn’t,” Callie said. “Because you’re brave. You put your heart on the line, you reached out, and you’re the one who keeps fighting for what you believe in.”
Her words hit home, and I nodded, unable to speak. Thank you, I mouthed.
She gave me one of the warmest hugs of my life, and I had to fight from falling apart. The last thing I needed was for Ray to see how thoroughly he had shattered me with just one sentence. To him, I wasn’t worth it, but the problem was he was worth everything to me.
“This is crazy,” Zara said, and I pulled back from Callie, confused.
“What?”
“This is our senior year. Our last semester of being together before we go to college. We should be enjoying ourselves, not crying because some dumb guy can’t get his head out of his you-know-what and ask you out!”
I shook my head. “You’re on a roll today.”
She put her arm around my shoulder. “Picture it. A decorate-your-own-cupcake-buffet—catered by Seaton Bakery, of course—hot tubbing, a movie marathon with guys who aren’t jerks.”
A smile lifted the corner of my lips. “Go on.”
“We need to celebrate your freedom,” she said. “You might have lost Ray, but you have us.”
For once, I thought, maybe that was enough.
Fifty-Eight
After being on lockdown, it felt good to be going out to Zara’s with the girls to have a stress-free time and binge on comfort foods.
I’d given up on shoving my feelings for him in a box. Some feelings were too big to be denied. They’d just find you anyway, bigger and stronger than ever before. My heart still ached from the loss of Ray, and I wondered if it might always be that way. That even when I was older and had my life together, some small part of me would wonder what could have happened if I had just filled my inhaler before going out to his ranch instead of planning to do so after.
The gates to Zara’s house came closer, and I slowed to a stop in front of the security camera. “I’m here to see Zara.”
Once the guard on the other end of the video got my name, he let me past, and I drove up the winding driveway until I could park behind Rory’s car in the garage. She was just getting out, and I hurried so we could walk in together.
“How’s it going?” I asked her.
She groaned. “It’s been a long week. Mom and I started going to spin classes together.”
I cringed. Even stationary bikes posed a threat to uncoordinated souls like me.
“Exactly.”
“She’s lightened up some, right?” I asked.
“Yeah. The classes are actually kind of fun. It’s just less time I can spend with Beckett, especially when you take into account homework and the senior art show.”
We reached the stairs and began the climb to the kitchen entrance. It struck me how much I’d missed. I didn’t want