him.
“I’m going to take these off,” I say cautiously and start undoing the buttons on his jacket. He doesn’t move an inch as I slide it from his shoulders and place it on the side. “You know?” I try to make him feel better as I slowly and carefully untuck his shirt from his trousers. “I have a horrible phobia of rats. It doesn’t seem much compared to this, but it’s a deep one. It comes from when I was little.” I slowly start unbuttoning his shirt from the top, revealing a light spray of dark hair over his sternum. “My mum took me on holiday to my grandpa’s dairy farm and we all got to camp outside for the night. It was brilliant at first.” I slowly undo the last two buttons and step behind him so I can peel it from his body without getting the sauce anywhere else. “While I was sleeping, I felt something running across my legs.”
“What happened?” Finally he speaks. Relief.
“Wait there,” I say and walk over to the sink and warm the cloth once more, all the while still talking. “Well, I woke up obviously but I couldn’t see anything. It was dark and I was on my own. My mum was in the tent next to mine with her then boyfriend.” Swiping the wet cloth across his front, I take my time. I’m not sure why I do it so slowly, maybe because it’s a connection. I’m close to somebody. And his torso is delectable; it’s golden and smooth and powerful. Every dip and groove is muscled perfection. He shudders as I sweep it over his pebbled nipples, so I move away from that area. “All I could see were these two red eyes in the dark moving around my tent. I screamed and screamed. Eventually my mom came. Her boyfriend killed the rat and she made me stay in my tent. I was petrified. I was five and I didn’t know what a rat was.” I look at his clean chest and go to pull my hand away.
In a quick move, his gloved hand presses it back to his abdomen, his fingers clasping my wrist rather than my hand itself. “Don’t stop.” His eyes come to mine. “I can still feel it.”
I nod and continue slowly wiping at his smooth skin, watching as the dark trail leading from his navel to places unknown shines with droplets of water. “I don’t think I’d have been as affected as I was if she hadn’t made me stay in there, you know?”
He nods. “Was she a good mother?”
“As good as she could be. She was good to me, but she was also selfish. She helped me pay for University as much as she could. She just wanted me to have a good life but didn’t know how to do that. She wanted herself to have a good life and forgot about me whilst getting that sometimes,” I say, running the cloth over the rim of his trousers, being extra careful not to touch where I shouldn’t.
His throat bobs as he gulps, his body no longer trembling. “Thank you.”
“Better?”
He nods and I slowly remove my hand before throwing the cloth in the sink.
“I’m going to have a shower… could you?” He motions to the ground where the lasagne has splattered. “If it’s too much, leave it and I’ll deal with it.”
“I’ll do it, you go,” I reassure him, my eyes lowered again, and allow him to pass. Once he’s left the room I squat and clean. It’s not easy and it’s not comfortable but it takes my mind off what just happened.
What did just happen?
Chapter Ten
Nathan didn’t come out of his room again last night. I don’t mind. He’s probably embarrassed, even though he shouldn’t be. Maybe it’s after what I did with the cloth. I shouldn’t have been so… sensual and slow about it. Maybe he read into it wrong. I was just trying to comfort him, but I can see why he’d think I wasn’t.
Nah, I’m being ridiculous. He didn’t read into it at all. I’m the one reading into it too much.
Unfortunately, due to the heavy rain and strong winds, Paula reschedules our lunch date for Friday. It’s aggravating but also a relief. I’m not ready to socialise with the outside world yet, as ridiculous as that sounds.
It hurts me to see other people happy.
Maybe I should see a therapist.
No. I need to just keep myself busy to keep my mind off