the kitchen. Call me if you need anything.” He goes to leave, stops and turns back. “Your room is up the stairs, take a right and go up the three steps. It’s down that hall, two doors on the right. My room is on the next floor. Respect my privacy and stay out.”
“Okay.” I watch him leave, his body perfectly poised, his legs carrying him with a grace that shouldn’t be possible for his height. He’s a couple of inches taller than Caleb, now that I think about it. It’s the hair that’s driving me nuts when I view him from behind. He needs to have it cut. Soon he’ll be tucking it behind his ears like Caleb had to. I loved it on Caleb. I won’t be able to handle it if I see it on the brother who looks so much like him.
The wind is powerful up here. I discover this fact when I wander outside into the garden and the wind blows me back a few steps. The house is along a secluded path with nothing but a narrow road leading to it, between rows and rows of trees. This area is private. I know this because I just passed a ‘Trespassers Beware’ sign.
I don’t wander far, mostly because the sky’s grey with thick clouds and my ankles are aching with each step. The farthest I go is a mile before heading back. It’s beautiful out here. I want to go to the cliff edge at some point, not too close because my fear of heights will paralyse me, but close enough to look over the countryside. There’s no sea here, which is sad as I’ll miss the sounds and smells, but the air is fresh and the views are stunning so I don’t mind too much.
I’m back at the house and it’s a little bit cold so I fiddle around with the thermostat until I hear the hum of the radiators heating up. Next I explore. This place is big and beautiful and way too clean. My nesting instincts don’t kick in like they usually do.
His cleaner is obviously brilliant. I bet she gets paid well. I can’t see a speck of dirt anywhere and the scent of bleach lingers in every single room. It’s irritating. I need to get rid of that. I wish I’d opened the windows upon my arrival to get rid of the smell.
I keep away from his room and also his study when I discover it on the first floor. As soon as the door opened, I almost gagged on the strong scent of bleach. It’s burning my nose. The room is spotless. I doubt there’s even a speck of dust in the air.
I back away slowly and move on to the next room.
Three hours later I’ve managed to give the house a little bit of air, but now it’s freezing again so I shut all the windows and turn the heating back up. That’s the extent of what I do for the day, not including raiding the fridge and finding nothing but organic fruit, veg and fresh meat.
I can live with this.
Food is food and organic food certainly has a nice taste to it when prepared correctly for consumption.
Heading up to my room, which is large and actually quite feminine and beautiful in a floral sense, I sit on the padded window seat, my phone in my hand. For a while I skim through a book that I’m not actually focusing on. It’s raining, rather badly now. Every drop hits the window like a tiny baseball. It sounds like I’m in a greenhouse, that’s how heavy the droplets are on the window. The rattling sounds like it’s coming from every direction.
It’s depressing.
I give up on the book and climb into my temporary bed instead.
My bed is comfy but it doesn’t smell like Caleb, though it still offers me the security I need at present. Burying my face under the covers, I close my eyes and shut off my thoughts. Back into the abyss I go.
******
Waking at nine, I have time to call my boss and quit. I apologize for not giving him notice, but he’s completely fine with it considering the circumstances and wishes me the best of luck.
After getting dressed and brushing my teeth, I don’t want to go downstairs. I want to stay in bed but my stomach is eating itself. No matter how sad I am, I need to put the baby first. He didn’t ask for