pieces of your own soul.”
“But how? I did everything right. I did everything you told me.” I pulled out the map she’d drawn for me and placed my finger on the X that marked the point of neutrality. “I jumped here. Okay? I focused on this exact place, and I jumped here.”
She threw a quick glance at the map and shook her head. “You never found it, as far as I can tell.”
“How can that be? I did everything right!” I raised my voice, and even though I was aware I probably sounded hysterical, I couldn’t help it. “I did everything right! I can’t believe this. I won’t.”
“Yoli, calm down.”
“Don’t tell me to calm down!” I jumped to my feet and started pacing the room. “Don’t tell me to calm down,” I whispered.
She was silent. For the next few minutes, she gave me space, waited for me to pull it together.
“Since I came here, everything has been a disaster,” I said, defeated. “All I do is mess up.”
“That’s not true. You’re dealing with things no one has ever dealt with before, and you’re doing your best. The Great Old Ones are… tricky. Their universe is the same.”
“Tricky?” I shot her an angry glance. “You went there countless times and returned unharmed.”
She sighed. “Yoli, that might’ve just been luck. When I first jumped to their world, I had no idea what I was doing. I didn’t know where I was, how I got there… It just happened, and I went with the flow. I started exploring, found the flower of youth in the marshes… but I didn’t know what it was. I went back to pick it much later, after I’d come across some studies in dream traveling and saw Gilgamesh mentioned.”
“Luck…”
“Yes.”
“No idea what you were doing…” I was repeating her words like a silly person. I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that she’d found the universe of the monsters by accident, and I was still lost and confused after having tried so damn hard.
“Maybe that’s it!”
“What is?”
“Maybe you tried too hard… Tried to control something that cannot be controlled. Their universe is unpredictable, just like them. Tell me about the second place you reached after jumping from what you thought was the point of neutrality.”
“I don’t know. I believe it was another island.”
I described it to her as best as I could. The black tower, the black stone that seemed to be connected to the tower, the strange symbols moving under my feet. Then the black clouds and the storm, the being emerging from the ocean, its tentacled head disappearing in the clouds. The way the earth trembled at its every step.
Aunt Katia shook her head gently. “I’ve never seen this place. And you say the flower wasn’t there?”
“If it was, I couldn’t find it. All I did was walk in circles. The beach, the jungle, the tower. If there’s anything else on that island, I never saw it because I couldn’t get out of the circle.”
“Why do you think you jumped there? Of all the parallel dimensions in their network, why this one?”
I shrugged. “Mr. Lovecraft told me about it. Maybe it got stuck in my mind or something.”
“Oh God…” She sounded worried, yet relieved at the same time. “It’s just like I thought. You were too influenced by outside stories. My point of neutrality, Professor Lovecraft’s dream… This was a bad idea. All that you found out from us got stuck in your subconscious, and when you jumped to their network, the stories and details acted like… parasites. They poisoned your experience, and thus, your results.”
“That makes no sense. Before you gave me your map, I tried without knowing these things, and it didn’t work.”
“Oh honey, I really don’t know anymore. We’re both pioneers. No dream traveler alive has attempted what we’re attempting.”
I was feeling tired, and I needed time to process her theory. Maybe she was right, and Mr. Lovecraft’s story had influenced me too much. After that meeting in his office almost a year ago, I’d thought about what he’d told me almost every day. It couldn’t have been healthy to obsess over that one dream he’d had before he got turned into a vampire and joined the dreamless supernatural world.
Aunt Katia finished her drink and left. With Corri gone too, I could breathe. I went to take a bath, and soaked in the hot, rose scented water for a little over an hour. When I came out, wrapped in a fluffy towel, I