Seth jumped off the bed in a fraction of a second. He started cleaning up the mess, and when Nurse T came in, syringe in hand, Seth was on the floor and I was in bed, watching him with fake interest.
“What happened here?” she barked.
She was still holding the syringe, and my eyes zeroed in on it. I recoiled, grabbed a pillow, and hugged it to my chest, as if it could protect me from Nurse T. Seth stood up, tray in hand. He stepped between the woman and my bed and gave her the tray. Nurse T had no choice but to take it.
“Nothing happened. I was clumsy,” Seth said in a light, relaxed tone. “Could you please take this back to the kitchen? I’d be grateful.” His words sounded polite, but his tone kind of wasn’t. Behind his smile, he was implying that she was the one who worked here, after all, and he’d already paid her plenty. “I have to run back to the Academy. Classes are about to start.”
For a moment, she couldn’t believe he was talking to her like that, giving her orders like he was someone, and she was no one of importance. At the Karmic Asylum, she had power over me. And now, this man had stuffed her pockets with such a generous bribe that she couldn’t possibly look him in the eye and refuse to do as he said. She put the syringe away and stepped aside.
“Of course, Mr. Khepri. Visit again soon?”
“You bet.” He walked past her. As he exited the room, he shot me a smile and a wink over his shoulder.
Seth had truly made me feel better today, and not just because he’d given me a much-needed orgasm. Even though I still had my fears and my doubts, I chose to trust him. Once he was gone, however, the energy in the room changed. Nurse T dropped the tray with the broken plates and the shattered glass on the table and crossed her arms over her chest as she studied me.
“You seem rattled.”
My eyes widened. “N-no.”
“Yes. What did that young man tell you? He agitated you.”
“He did not.”
But her hand was back in her pocket, pulling out the syringe.
I can’t let her… An injection is far stronger than if I swallow the potion.
“I’m okay,” I tried. “I feel fine. Can I just…” I hesitated. “If you bring me my usual medication, I’ll drink it.”
“Will you now?” She stepped closer. “I already have this ready, and it’s the same thing.”
“I don’t want to sleep.” That was going to be the immediate effect if she gave me the shot. At least, if I drank the thing, I’d be confused and groggy, but awake.
“You need the rest, dear. Trust me.”
What could I do? Scream? She would’ve called the male nurses to hold me down. As she sank the needle into my shoulder, I looked at her with deep hatred in my eyes. I wanted to scratch her face, claw her eyes out. I wanted to bite off a chunk of her fleshy double chin and spit it on the floor. I wanted to wrap my arms around her neck and snap it.
I wanted to kill her.
No one would care. Nurse T… Did anyone even know her name? And even if she did have a family and a life outside of this dreadful place, still… no one would care.
What would it matter if she lived or died?
What would it matter if I lived or died?
As I drifted off, I realized… There it was again. The emptiness. Life, death… concepts. I didn’t want to kill Nurse T because of what she did to me every day. I wanted to kill her because…
… I just wanted to kill.
CHAPTER FIVE
I’d stopped counting the days a long time ago. I was pretty sure that the first time I came here, I’d tried to mark them off in one of those notebooks the Karmic Asylum provided along with a simple pencil. But every time I opened the notebook on my table, I found the pages empty. So, as I saw it, there were two possibilities: either I only thought I’d marked the days off and didn’t, or I’d marked them off, and someone always made sure to switch my notebook with a new one.
Conspiracy much?
My mind was going in circles.
Some days, I remembered Davien, Seth, and Adrian. Most days, I didn’t. Seth and Adrian were easier to remember because Adrian had kissed my forehead, and Seth had kissed