At least she’s being a jerk to a stranger, I was doing it to people who were supposed to be my friends.” Slowly her gaze slipped over to him. “Look, I really don’t blame them for what they think or how they are. I don’t. I deserve every single judgment they can level against me.” Putting her head back, she let out a breath. “And now, this week they’re going to get dragged into court to try to defend my honor. How ironic is that?”
After only a moment her gaze came over to his. “I hope you know why I can’t go back to church there. I hope you know, it’s not about you. It’s about me.”
“See, that’s where you’re wrong,” Greg said. “Church isn’t about perfect people who show up to prove how holy they are. It’s for people who know they need God, people that need His mercy and grace, and His forgiveness. What was that thing you said when we were in Santa Fe? About Jesus being our sacrifice and Him dead on the cross being our guilt up there dead. That’s real, Tay. That’s why we go to church, not because we’re self-righteous but because we’re all broken and hurting and guilty for doing all kinds of stupid things. It’s because we need Him to be our righteousness because we’re so not.”
Slowly she nodded. “I know. And I am glad for knowing that, about the guilt thing. I am. It helps me to know He’s forgiven me. But it doesn’t magically make it all go away. Nothing can do that.”
“Okay, but that doesn’t mean you can’t start over. Sure, you’ve made some mistakes, even a lot of mistakes, but grace says you don’t have to stay there in what you’ve done. What’s that story about the son who’d done all kinds of terrible things coming home? His father threw a party because his son accepted the love the father had for him the whole time.”
“I don’t know. Maybe I can start over. Maybe that is a thing. But in their eyes, I’m too far gone. I’ve done too many rotten things, too many stupid things to ever make that right again.”
Greg struck on a thought. “Tell you what, this might sound a little random, but you were seeing a counselor guy back home, right?”
She looked so unbelievably tired. “Yeah?”
“Well, I would think it would be a good idea to find one here, don’t you?”
“Uh, I hadn’t really thought about it, but yeah, probably… although…”
“Great,” he said, cutting her off. “I’ve got just the person.”
“Oh, yeah? Who’s that?”
“Now just don’t say no without at least considering it.”
She leveled her gaze at him. “I’m not going to like this, am I?”
“It’s somebody who has really helped me, and I think she could really help you if you give her a chance.”
Sighing, Taylor shook her head. “Nope. Definitely not going to like this.”
“There’s this lady at the student center…”
That tipped the balance of her patience with him. “Greg...”
“Her name is Merel. She’s Pastor Dave’s wife, and she’s so great.”
“Greg…”
“She helped me so much last semester with everything that was going on.”
“Greg, seriously…”
“Tay, I am being serious here. As serious as I’ve ever, ever been,” Greg said. “You think there’s no way out, that the answer is to just give up, but I’m telling you, Merel can help you find your way through this, all of it. She’s not like other people. She sees things. She knows things. You can tell her anything, and she’s not shocked about any of it.”
“I don’t know… The student center? People will see me.”
“No. The guys only practice on Thursday nights when Merel isn’t even there. Paige and Lauren only go on Sunday. I can talk to her, set something up, so she knows you’re coming.”
Taylor sighed. “Greg, look, I know you want to help, but…”
“I’m not saying it’s magic. I just want you to have someone to talk to, someone who knows what’s what about life. Please, Tay. If you won’t do it for you, then do it for me. I want to help you, but I don’t know the words. I don’t know all of the things about life like she does. Please, just let me ask if she would be willing to meet with you sometime. Please…”
“It’s not going to do any good. Dr. Flynn tried for months.”
“It might not, but before you give up on all of it, could you please at least try?”
Finally, she sighed. “Fine, but she’s not