and leaving now would be incredibly awkward with them right there watching.
She turned back, and every step she took to the door that the guy held open for her was a struggle. This was such a bad, bad idea. Her heart was thumping, and her mouth went cotton dry. Inside the chapel, the other two went down the side aisle and disappeared into a bench. There were far more people than she had anticipated would be there. Somehow, she’d always thought college students didn’t go to church. At least she hadn’t until her world had been turned upside down and shattered.
“When we’re leaning on, leaning on the everlasting faith of God,” the guys sang from the front, and Taylor had no time to shield herself from the feelings those voices brought up in her. It was like they were etched indelibly on her heart and would be forever.
She was still standing at the door when two more students came in, and she realized she couldn’t just stand there forever. There was no real direction to her steps and no real destination in mind either. Going to the other side of pews, she slipped into the back one and crossed her arms to thwart the knotting emotions growing inside her. They were making it hard to breathe.
“On the everlasting faith… of God…”
With that, the song ended, and a whole bevy of nerves attacked her. She should leave. She shouldn’t have come. This was a bad idea.
“Welcome back, everyone,” the pastor said. Dave. Was that right? Was that what Greg had said? She couldn’t be sure, nor could she locate the information in the twining fibers of her brain. “For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Pastor Dave, and this is my wife Merel, and we are so pleased that so many of you could join us tonight. We have a lot of exciting things planned for this semester here at the Grace & Hope Student Center, and we hope that you all will be joining us not just for services on Sundays but for Monday Meals as well. We all know that true community starts with us coming together as one, so before we begin tonight’s service, I’d like to invite you to take a moment to say hello to those around you.”
Just like that, noise invaded the space as students, happy to be together once again, greeted each other enthusiastically. Taylor wished with everything in her that she hadn’t come. This was embarrassing. The young lady in front of her turned and offered her hand, and Taylor shook it without bothering to say anything. A young man she recognized as Max came around the back of her pew and at the side of her, he shook her hand.
“Glad you could make it,” Max said like he really meant it, and Taylor just nodded.
From her vantage point, she couldn’t see the guys up front, but she did catch sight of Paige and Lauren midway down the opposite side of pews. They were sitting with Clara, looking happy and just like best friends should. The thought went right through Taylor’s heart and jabbed there.
She didn’t know how, but next time Greg asked if she wanted to come, she was going to tell him no. This was the very definition of impossible.
“Again, welcome to everyone,” Pastor Dave said, “and now we begin…”
He was trying very hard not to be obvious about it as Greg both listened to Pastor Dave’s opening prayer and simultaneously searched for her. She had said she would come. Then again, he knew Taylor well enough to know that if a better offer came up, she would take it in a heartbeat.
“Please be seated for the first reading,” Pastor Dave said.
The guys started out of the equipment bound for the front row, and Greg followed, half paying attention to his feet and the cords and half really wishing he could just find her somewhere in the crowd. Just as he got to his seat, he caught a glimpse of her in the very back. But there was so much movement, and it was so brief, he wasn’t at all sure it was her and not just his imagination playing tricks on him.
In the pew he crossed his arms and wished this could all be so, so different. Even if that was her, it was clear by her choice of seats that she didn’t feel a part of this place. He remembered himself, sitting in the very back of